A Toast To Good Health
I spent the last two weeks in Sheffield visiting family and friends. It had been over six months since I'd seen anyone from that neck of the woods, so it was great to catch up with everyone and spend some time relaxing. I had the first week off work, so I got to lie in every day, something I'd really missed from the days of yore, before I was a responsible adult with a 7-4 job.It was my brother's 21st birthday on the 2nd of July, and one of the first things we did was go to my Dad's for a nice lunch and a few drinks - well, a nice lunch for everyone except me. I still can't eat any solid food and had to have soup while everyone else indulged in a fantastic-looking buffet.
In the last couple of months I've really begun to notice how much eating is part of every day social life. Couples go for dates in nice restaurants. Movie goers eat popcorn in the cinema. Groups of mates go out for a curry and a few beers. Workmates go for nice, company-funded meals. Poker players order pizza to eat at the table. But at the moment, I can't really do any of these things. Imagine going for a romantic date and getting the cheese board as your main course - not that I've had many of those lately, but that's another story entirely.
It turns out that what I have is called a 'Pharyngeal Pouch'. Basically this means that instead of going straight down, food that I swallow builds up in a pouch which has developed to the side of my throat. As I swallow more, this swells up and causes me to choke and bring the food back up. Its a pretty rare condition for a 23 year old. Consequently, I'm on the urgent list for a barium swallow at the hospital, which will most likely be followed by surgery.
After the surgery's done, the first thing I'm going to eat is a really nice curry. There are some types of food I've really missed - Chicken Jalfrezi and Sabzi Pakora from Abdul's, Meat Feast pizzas from the local kebab shop, and chicken sandwiches with tomato ketchup for starters! I also miss nice wine, port and brandy, none of which I've been able to drink much of lately.
If for some reason the pouch bursts before the surgery, I'll probably die, so I've been thinking of music you can play at my funeral. How about the following:
'Omnious Bloodvomit' by Bloodbath
'Bloody Posttraumatic Ejaculation' by Arsebreed
'Frantic Disembowelment' by Cannibal Corpse
'Slowly We Rot' by Obituary
'Torture To Death' by Torture Killer
That way, even in death, I can inflict my horrendous taste in music on the rest of you! You could cover the entire breadth of my music taste by mixing in some Fluke (dance), Mansun (indie), Bob Marley (reggae), Johnny Cash (country) and Frank Sinatra (lounge) in there too. But if you even think of playing any rap or R n' B, I'll come back to haunt you.
On to more cheerful things! We went out for my brother's birthday to Corporation, a rock club in Sheffield which I hadn't been to in several years. Its still the same, and I ran into a couple of old friends when I was there. Rock clubs are strange places, in that a lot of the people that go like to dress in a way that supposedly makes them 'different' or 'individual'. In reality, they just look like every other metal fan in the world - which I find ironic.
Apart from a brief period as a teenager, where I did crazy things like wearing sky camoflage combat trousers with tie dye shirts and dogtags; or trying to dye my hair purple but first making it orange, then pink, I've never really thought it important to look 'different' or dress in a way to associate myself with a particular style of music. I'm not attracted to goth women either - they just look pasty and unhealthy in my opinion. Give me a nice indie girl any day.
While in Sheffield I also got to spend some time with friends who I hadnt seen in months, my Dad, my half-sister Millie (who is very shy around me these days) and my stepmum Bobbie, who is currently pregnant with my next half-sister (name TBC).
Lastly, I topped off the two weeks with a blokes night in watching the latest UFC, which was pretty disappointing. The Shamrock / Ortiz fight was a total joke, ending shortly into the first round after a controversial early stoppage by the referee. The main event of Orlowski / Silvia was a non-event, with Orlowski not doing anything to end the fight and losing on a decision.
I haven't actually done any martial arts myself in quite a while. It's a shame really - round about now would be the perfect time to start, as once I'm out of hospital I'll be cheering myself up by eating loads of nice food and drinking lots of nice wine, and I'll need to keep off the two and a half stone I've lost in the last few months.
I thought it was funny when I was on TV and one of the commentators described me as a 'complex individual' and a 'karate expert'. Back when I lived in Sheffield and in my first year of University, I trained karate as often as I could, at one point doing six or more hours every week. I've never been as fit as I was back then - in fact I remember a drunken pub conversation about running a marathon at the peak of it all. I got my blue belt, which is a decent achievement, but stopped there as I moved away from campus for my second year of university and didn't find anywhere to train. I've tried a few different martial arts - Taekwondo, Aikido, Kuk Sool Won, and Jeet Kune Do as well as Karate - so I should just find something - anything - and get going again. Besides being good for me, it'll get me out of the flat every now and then.
I didn't play any poker in the entire two weeks I was home. This was partly because I wasn't always in the mood to play and partly because I was pretty busy at night. However, while I was back the latest issue of Inside Edge was released, containing my article 'Necessary Evil', and the Gutshot also published one of my articles. I'm quite proud of what I've managed to achieve poker wise in the last year, so a couple of weeks off didn't hurt. I've played a couple of times since I've been back with some encouraging results, and I've been playing with a confidence I haven't had for a while. I played a live game with my friends last night and was absolutely destroying the table, finding a way to win every pot and getting good value for every hand I played, at least until it got late and I started getting tired - then I gave back some of my winnings!
A small but significant part of my job at PokerStars is dealing with chat complaints sent in by players. Some of these are completely trivial - players who can't handle being called a 'donkey' a few times - and some are extreme, such as those with death threats, racism, or disgusting sexual content. We handle complaints differently depending on the severity of the offence and whether the offender has a prior record of poor behaviour, but usually a player is first issued with a warning, then their chat is revoked for a month, increasing to six months, and then permanently for each offence.
I'm not allowed to play at PokerStars myself, so my site of choice is Full Tilt Poker, which is currently the only site to have Razz ring games (my most profitable game), and also has excellent software. They've also been very kind to me in the past - sending me to the British Poker Open, and putting me in a few VIP tournaments amongst other things.
A comical situation came up the other night. I was playing two $2/$4 No Limit tables, as the bigger games were full of strong players I recognised and preferred to avoid. At one table, I had $998, and typed 'Anyone lend me $2? Just for effect?' into the chat as a joke. A few minutes later, I recieved an email telling me that my chat had been revoked for one month, for begging! I burst out laughing for a few minutes, and then sent them a very polite but light-hearted email back, asking for my chat to be reinstated. I had my chat back within 24 hours, along with a profuse apology.
I'd always wondered what it was like to have my chat revoked - now I know what it feels like, and I'll always be more careful when dishing out revokes at PokerStars in future!
Anyway, that'll do for know. It's coming up to tea time, and I have to decide what I'm going to have - cold Gazpacho soup or hot Gazpacho soup. Please join me and raise your glass in a toast.
'To Good Health!'
