The Las Vegas Poker Awards

While in Las Vegas I played poker in most if not all of the major cardrooms. I thought it'd be fun to come up with some awards for the best and worst of Las Vegas poker. So here are the awards:

Best Overall Cardroom: MGM Grand

The MGM was my favourite cardroom out of everywhere that I played - I had more fun and made more money there than at any other room. The staff are friendly and helpful. They have a sophisticated computer system, which greatly speeds up seating players, has the facility for calling waitresses and floorpeople to the table, and even tells the dealer the name of each player at the table. The games are fast and the dealers competent. The poker room is situated in an ideal area of the casino with high traffic but away from the slots. Best of all, there is lots of loose action at all the limits. The MGM is an upmarket hotel and it's guests seem to have money to throw away. Lastly, the MGM makes use of the MGM Mirage comp card which is also good at the Mirage, Treasure Island, Bellagio, and New York New York.

The only real downside to the MGM is that it's tough to get a game larger than $5/$10 No Limit. If you're a high stakes player, this isn't your room.

Honorable mentions here go to the Venetian, Wynn and Caesars Palace, all of which are excellent rooms. However, the games at these rooms are noticeably tougher than at the MGM, so they can't possibly win this award.

Nicest Chips: Binions

Binions' tournament chips were new, clean, heavy, and easily distinguishable from each other. Excellent. I didn't play with a nicer chip anywhere in Vegas.

Ugliest Cocktail Waitresses: Excalibur

Excalibur is a clear winner here. Whatever the opposite of a MILF is, that's what Excalibur hires. I swear, they should not make skimpy uniforms in a Size 20.

Hottest Cocktail Waitresses: The Venetian

The waitresses at the Venetian have to be seen to be believed. Their uniform is essentially an embellished swimsuit. Remember when you were at school and you used to try to look up girls' skirts? These uniforms turn you into that dribbling schoolboy. Honorable mention to the Wynn, who look like they hire the girls that weren't quite pretty enough to be models, and train them to carry trays.

Rudest Staff: Bellagio

Bellagio's staff were the rudest in Las Vegas - that goes for floorpeople and dealers alike. There is just no excuse for impatience and rudeness in a dealer, nor is there any reason for a floorperson to be abrupt and ignorant. Bellagio treats you like shit unless you're playing in Bobby's Room.

Toughest Game: Bellagio

Another reason not to play at Bellagio is because the games are probably the toughest on the Strip. You'll find pretty competent players and extremely tight play, even at the low limits. If you're in a ten-handed low limit game and find yourself repeatedly chopping the blinds, you should move on.

Weakest Game: Excalibur

Excalibur was the dingiest room I played in, but the game was possibly the softest live game I've ever played. There was a player to my right who actually had a 'ranking of hands' cheat sheet, and was referring to it frequently. The other players were of a similar standard, calling large river bets with queen high and so on. The game was so much fun I could have played for days.

Strangest Blind Structure: Luxor

Luxor's only regular No Limit game is $1/$1/$2 - that's right, three blinds. What's more, the buy-in for the game is $50, no more, no less. You can add on another $50 if you drop to $49 or less, so the most you can have on the table without having won a hand is $99 - in a game where you're posting $4 in blind money each round.

The game quickly degenerates into a preflop all-in fest with very little skill involved. If you want to play this kind of poker, you're better off staying home and loading up a low limit turbo SNG on the internet.

Best Dealers: Monte Carlo

The dealers at Bellagio are the most skilled, but many of them have been dealing for so long that it's just a chore to them. To quote one dealer, 'After seven million hands, this aint exciting'. Monte Carlo wins here because it had dealers that seemed to enjoy dealing, and were also quick, efficient, and knowledgeable of the rules. I didn't see this combination of both enthusiasm and skill anywhere else.

Worst Dealers: Excalibur

The Excalibur seems to hire dealers that are on death's door. They are slow, not very knowledgeable, and don't seem very interested. One dealer at Excalibur was even rude enough to prompt a player for a toke after a hand.

Honorable mention here to the Luxor who had at least one dealer with an attitude problem.

Most Likely Place to Have Celebrities Playing: Mandalay Bay

Zach Braff and Donald Faison (JD and Turk from Scrubs) stopped by the poker room here. If you want to see poker celebrities, then Bellagio is obviously the place, as it has all the biggest games.

Poker Room That Looked So Bad We Didn't Bother Playing: Plaza

This room looked really bad. It was full of locals, the cards, chips and tables were all poor quality, and there wasn't a waiting list to be seen. No thanks!

Best Orange Juice: Bellagio

The Orange Juice at Bellagio was like nectar from the gods, once it arrived (about half an hour after I ordered it).

Most Underrated Room: The Mirage

The Mirage is a well-run, fairly large room that runs a fairly wide variety of games. The dealers are good, the drinks service is good, and the competition can be pretty weak if you find the right table. The Mirage isn't highly rated by many, but it's a good room.

That's it for now. If you have suggestions for further awards, let me know and I'll expand this list.

Viva Las Vegas

On April 1st, I got up early, had a shower, and then looked for any music in my collection with the words 'Las Vegas' in the title, to put me in the mood for the journey ahead. There aren't many. Elvis' Viva Las Vegas sprung to mind, but I didn't have it. Tony Christie's Las Vegas came up, which doesn't exactly paint a nice picture of the town, with it's chorus 'Hey Las Vegas, can nothing save us from you?' and lyrics like 'The Lord above made the world for us, but the Devil made Las Vegas'. I settled for Sweet Home Alabama by the fantastically mincepronounceable Lynyrd Skynyrd.

We were flying a bit of a strange route due to cost considerations - from Edinburgh to London, then to Los Angeles on the west coast of the USA, and finally to Vegas itself. We'd actually fly directly over Nevada on the way to LA, a frustrating experience after ten hours on the plane. I can't tell you much I wish we'd chosen a direct flight, even for the few hundred extra quid. Serves me right for being a Yorkshire-born Scotsman - I have skinflint in my blood.

After a horrendously long flight that was made only slightly enjoyable by winning $9 in my first ever real money game of Chinese Poker, we arrived in Los Angeles. Flying over LA at night is a strange experience. It all looks exactly the same - just row after row of lights, all uniform and uninteresting, stretching out as far as the eye can see. It's a bit like flying over the Death Star - I half expected a turbolaser blast to scream past the window.

Los Angeles

Just getting into Los Angeles airport was a nightmare. We had to queue for almost an hour at immigration, after walking what felt like a mile from the stand to the terminal building. We were fingerprinted, questioned ('Were you ever affiliated with the government of Nazi Germany?'), and so on, then we were finally allowed to pick up our baggage. The stupidly long wait, combined with the delay of our inbound flight, meant that we missed the flight to Vegas and were stuck in LA. LA airport is a truly horrible place - inside, it's incredibly busy and unwelcoming, but take a step outside, and the stench of the filthy, smog-filled air hits you hard in the face.

British Airways put us up in the airport hotel and made arrangements for a flight the next morning. However, when we arrived at the check-in desk, we were told that although we had reservations for the flight, we didn't have tickets. After a lot of confusion and a futile search for British Airways staff in the international terminal, we paid for tickets. We then went through a stupidly invasive security search. First, we were made to remove our shoes, jackets, and obviously anything metal. Then, we went into a chamber which looked worryingly like an MRI machine, where we were scanned for god-knows what and had air blown on to us for no apparent reason. Then all our belongings were swabbed down to test for explosive residue, before we were finally allowed to pass through and make the long journey to the gate, just in time for the flight. Finally, on the afternoon of the 2nd, we were in Las Vegas!

Squinting outside the Wynn

It's a little ironic that the English translation of 'Las Vegas' is 'The Meadows', as there isn't a meadow to be seen anywhere - it's slap bang in the middle of the Nevada desert and the heat is intense. On the first day, after we'd checked in at the Mirage and had some breakfast, we decided that we would do some exploring and not play any poker, simply because we were too jetlagged to play a good game. Just walking for a few minutes between the hotels I felt like I was being sunburned! I could suddenly see why taxis were so popular - the heat, plus the fact that everything is further away than it looks.

On the second day, we decided it was time to play some poker. We started off locally, playing at the Mirage cardroom. Although I'd taken a fair bit of cash with me, I wanted to start small (particularly since I was still jetlagged) and joined the same $1/$2 No Limit Hold'em game as my flatmate. What an awesome night it was. The game was a complete contrast to any game I've ever played in a British poker room - the dealers were friendly and competent, the equipment was of a good quality, and the players were actually having fun. The whole table was very chatty, and I got talking to a guy from Australia on my right, a very loose and jokey oriental guy across the table, and a guy from Los Angeles on my left. I even got a big laugh from two middle-aged women when I joked about not wanting to tip the cocktail waitress a $100 bill by accident (American money all looks the same. It's all green, all the same size, and all the same layout - although the relatively rare new bills are changing that).

There were no unfriendly, racist old men. There were no arguments over misdeals or string bets. Nobody insulted the dealer, and nobody criticised their opponent's play. It was just good clean fun. Oh, and I won - a lot, for the size of the game. I never dropped below my starting stack, after flopping the nut straight on the very first hand and busting a girl to my left. After that I tore through the table, picking up great hand after great hand and making some fairly good reads. Then later in the night, this hand came up:

In a straddled pot, it was folded to my flatmate Scott in the cutoff, who raised to $12. I called from the button with K♠J♠. LA dude on my left called also, and the straddle actually folded (which is extremely rare). With about $40 in the pot, the flop came Q♠10♠3♦. LA dude checked, Scott bet $20, and I raised to $60. LA dude hummed and hawed, then called the $60 cold, which I did not expect, and Scott folded. LA dude's flat-call was interesting. He had been playing well - aggressively in general, but fairly straightforwardly as was dictated by the game. Therefore, I figured that he had to be either slowplaying a big hand, or on a draw. A better flush draw than mine was unlikely, since to have a better flush draw he would have to have called the raise with A♠9♠ or worse (all the big spades are on board or in my hand). I also thought the chances of a draw were low as he was calling both a bet and a raise, with a player still to act behind him. The long dwell-up is also a classic tell of strength. Therefore, I figured he was slowplaying something like a set or top-two pair, and resolved to take a free card on the turn if it was a blank.

The turn was the 7♠. LA Dude pushed all-in for about $250. Even though there was a chance I was beat, I was confident in my read and called quickly, flipping my hand over. He didn't show his (it's not required in Las Vegas cardrooms, unlike many internet sites), and I knew I'd won. To rub it in, the A♠ arrived on the river, giving me a Royal Flush! It's always nice to finish the night on such a high, and I cashed out for close to $1000. Moneywise, that's not huge for me, but the confidence boost was just what I needed.

The Mirage

Actually, I made a second straight flush a few days later, at the Monte Carlo. Again, it was in a small game, but this time I won a small high-hand jackpot of about $150 to add to the pleasure. This time, I'd pushed all-in on the flop with an open-ended straight flush draw, been called, and hit the straight flush on the river. The dealer got a big tip for that.

Tipping is much more the norm in Vegas than it is in the UK. Some people resent throwing a dollar or two to the dealer after winning a pot, or adding 20% to a meal. In fact, some British tourists use their very Britishness to get out of tipping, despite knowing that the culture is different ('Good lord, I'm so sorry, I forgot. It's not allowed back home'). Not me. The service in Las Vegas was truly excellent everywhere we went (except Bellagio). The rake is lower, the drinks are free, and you're made to feel welcome wherever you are. In one restaurant, I had a fantastic glass of wine and enquired about who made it. The waiter took the time to write down the name of the wine, the year, and the region on a piece of paper, and handed it to me. That's the kind of service that all restaurants should have. That particular waiter got a great tip.

A couple of days after the nice session at Mirage, I went downtown to where it all started, Binion's, to play in the Las Vegas Grand Prix tournament. The buy-in was $500+50, with an 'expected' prize pool of $1,000,000 and 2000 entrants. What actually happened was three of the four starting flights were cancelled, as just fifty people turned up to register. I was considering whether or not to play, when the tournament director mentioned that some of the fifty people had won their way into the event through a radio competition, and may never have played poker before. So I plonked down my cash.

Unfortunately, I ended up at a table with eight local professionals and just one competition winner. Many had made final tables on the Ultimate Poker Challenge or other televised poker shows - for example, Shawn Rice, who had done it five times. It was the toughest table I had ever played at and I found myself showing down the loser far too often. To make things worse I went completely card dead once the blinds went up, and started to get anted away while the others got into huge pots with the competition winner, taking thousands of chips from him with full houses against his middle pair, and so on. I eventually busted out holding A-10 in the big blind against the button's K-Q, after pushing all-in preflop and being called. It was a good event, but I wasn't playing my best and I wasn't catching cards, so I didn't stand a chance.

I tried to play poker in as many rooms as I could while in Vegas, to get a sample of the various different styles. I played mostly $2/$5 No Limit, which may sound small, but in most cardrooms the buy-in for such a game is $1000, or even unlimited. That can result in some very big games compared to the blinds, particularly since the standard preflop raise in Vegas seems to be ten times the big blind! Many rooms didn't have a bigger game going anyway. All-in all, my favourite room was the MGM Grand, with the Venetian, Caesar's Palace, and the Wynn close behind. I'm going to write another post about the different rooms later.

My Progress in Vegas

The first loss is a small Mirage tournament. The second is the tournament at Binions, which was a sizeable chunk to take away. The only other big loss is at the Bellagio, which was a game I should have quit much sooner. When I sat down there was a completely clueless player at the table, who was doing some funny things, like thinking for ages, then showing middle pair before folding reluctantly to a large raise. Somebody criticised his play - something I didn't see anywhere else - and he left, leaving no easy marks at the table. I should've left at this point, but I'd waited so long for my seat, that dammit, I was going to play! I quickly ran a straight into a rivered full house for all my chips, then bled away some more before leaving in a very bad mood.

While in Vegas we took the opportunity to see some shows and do some shopping. Often, the cost of something in America is the same in dollars as it would be in pounds here - so we got some great stuff for essentially half price. I got some dirt cheap sports gear for the gym, some fancy noise-cancelling earphones that came in very handy for the plane ride home, and a nice Oakley watch with a very manly name - the Blade, among other things.

Show-wise, we saw the Blue Man Group at the Venetian first. If you haven't seen them, you should go at the earliest opportunity. It's unlike I've ever seen before - a spectacle that assaults every sense, mixing physical comedy with music and even audience participation (the good kind, not the bad kind you get at Jimmy Carr shows). I enjoyed every minute, and recommended them in pretty much every postcard I sent home.

Next, we saw Penn and Teller at the Rio. Actually, first, we spotted an Indian restaurant with the extremely funny name 'Gaylords', and couldn't resist stopping by for a bite. There were plenty of jokes about 'I just fancied a Gaylords' and so on as the meal went on. Funnily enough, the restaurant seemed to be staffed with Vietnamese, Mexicans, and anyone with a tan rather than authentic Indians. Even the Kingfisher was brewed in North America. Perhaps the typical American can't tell the difference.

Penn and Teller were good but had a tough act to follow. Ignoring their sickening Patriotism, their blend of comedy and magic was a good way to spend an evening, despite the uncomfortable post-Indian fart-holding I was having to do all the way through the show.

The last show we saw was something of a novelty - a show called Bite at the Stratosphere which was a topless revue with a vampire theme. The idea behind seeing the show (besides seeing semi-naked ladies of course) was simply to see something that would never, ever make it to the stage in Europe. Rita Rudner was a consideration.

The show was hilarious, in a 'so bad, it's good' way. The girls came out dancing to Guns N' Roses' Welcome to the Jungle, and followed it up by revealing the goods to classics like Judas Priest, Ozzy Osbourne and Motley Crue, with their dancing accompanied by some genuinely impressive acrobatics and a couple of magic tricks. Towards the end, there was the most bizarre medley I have ever heard, blending Led Zeppelin's classic Stairway to Heaven with Nessun Dorma. It's something I don't think I'll ever hear again!

An Erotic, Classic Rock Vampire Angel

Other than Bite, we didn't really see the sleazy side of Vegas, although I hear that the best strip clubs are Cheetahs and Little Darlings. The latter has a fantastic sign outside with a wonderful slogan - 'Thousands of beautiful girls and three ugly ones nationwide'.

I had heard that Las Vegas was a place that I would either love or hate. Well, I love it - I really do. There's something for everyone, and if you ignore the Mexican pimps flicking their flyers at you, it's a really nice place to be. I can't wait to go back for the WSOP in June!

You can see some of our photos from Vegas at my Bebo page, if you're interested. The address is http://DonkFishUK.bebo.com