The Mad Donkey's Stable

Sky Poker Appearance

2008-09-08T10:48:00.002+01:00

I was interviewed on Sky Poker (Channel 865)'s show 'The Club' last week. Here's a video of my part of the episode:

Very busy at the moment - the World Championship Of Online Poker just started at PokerStars and we are guaranteeing over $30m in prizes.

Hope you're all well!

Tell Me More

2008-08-05T03:01:00.003+01:00

I have just uploaded four new articles to my website at www.alexscott.im. Here is one of them, a feature that made the front cover of InsidePoker Magazine in June 2008.

Note: This article was heavily edited for length when it was published in InsidePoker magazine, so I'm proud to present it in it's original form. On the plus side, the published article had some truly excellent photography of one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in a poker magazine (sadly, she is not a player). I've tried to include some of those images in context here.

The movies have always glamorised the importance of tells poker. In the 21st James Bond movie, Casino Royale, Bond and notorious villain Le Chiffre are playing an extremely high-stakes poker tournament and the atmosphere is tense. A key hand develops – Le Chiffre has made a big bet on the river, and Bond is pondering what to do. All of a sudden, Le Chiffre’s eye starts to twitch, and he touches his hand to his temple. Bond smiles knowingly, mucks his hand, and watches as Le Chiffre turns over a full house to win the pot. We don’t know what the suave secret agent threw away, but we do know that it was Le Chiffre’s tell that helped him to decide.

A tell is any mannerism, action, or behaviour that gives you a clue about how your opponent plays or what he might be holding. In Casino Royale, Le Chiffre’s tell is his twitching eye when he holds a strong hand. In the legendary poker movie Rounders, the villain’s tell is that when he has a strong hand, he breaks open his cookie and eats it – but when he has a weak hand, he just breaks it open.

Real life tells aren’t quite like you’ll see in the movies. In this article, I want to discuss the theory behind tells, examine some misconceptions about them, discuss some common tells, and talk about ways to minimise the information that you give away yourself.

Stakes

At this stage, we should talk about two things that are incredibly important, but which are often skipped over in discussion of tells. They are the stakes and baseline behaviour.

A situation is considered ‘high stakes’ for a person when they are putting something significant at risk. For example, a criminal is in a high stakes situation if they are trying to evade detection for a crime that has a severe punishment, because they are risking their freedom (or perhaps their life). In poker, the stakes are high when the person in question is risking something which has significant value to them.

As we can see, stakes aren’t necessarily quantifiable, and vary from person to person. High stakes don’t necessarily mean lots of money is at risk, as different people have different attitudes to money and what seems like a fortune to one person may seem like a pittance to another. A player can be in a high stakes situation without risking any money at all if there’s pride and ego at stake.

In general, the higher the stakes, the more likely it is that a person will display a tell, particularly if that tell is involuntary. So while you might not show many tells in your home game, you could become a veritable tell machine if you play in a televised tournament with a big prize (I did).

Conversely, don’t expect a player to display as many tells if they are accustomed to the stakes, or if they’re lower than usual.

Baseline Behaviour

A tell isn’t always something obvious. Many, if not most tells are subtle deviations from a player’s normal behaviour – what is known as their baseline behaviour. To be able to spot these types of tell, you have to know how a player normally behaves, and that requires a lot of observation.

For example, it’s no good knowing that a player’s eye twitches when they have the nuts if that player’s eye twitches all the time anyway. They are just as likely to twitch when they are bluffing, and if you misinterpret this behaviour as a tell of strength because you haven’t studied your opponent’s baseline behaviour, you may make a costly mistake.

When you sit at a table, take note of how your opponents behave in general, and compare that to situations where you know they have been bluffing or betting a big hand. This may give you a wealth of information that you can use to make better decisions later on.

Tells Before They Even Play a Hand

There are some things you can learn about a player before they even sit down. These things are all tells that can help you to play better against that person.

Take the way a person dresses, for example. A person who arrives at a poker game dressed in a sharp business suit tells you something about himself. Perhaps he’s come straight from work, or perhaps he is simply a conservative dresser – in which case, his game might be conservative too. Conversely, a person who looks like they woke up in a skip is probably going to be a sloppy player – not tight and logical. A scruffy dresser is more likely to be scruffy and careless in other areas of life, including their poker game.

Players wearing extravagant jewellery (like guys with lots of gold rings and chains) clearly have more money than sense and will likely be loose players. Players wearing sunglasses in a vain attempt to look cool are probably just egotistical amateurs – something you can exploit by putting them on tilt. And women who turn up at the poker table dressed to the nines are probably after your money, not your phone number.

The way a player stacks their chips also gives you information. A player with a sloppy stack, with different chip values mingled together and no semblance of order is probably a loose, sloppy player who doesn’t know about the importance of stack sizes. On the other hand a player with his chips in stacks of twenty and the edge spots neatly lined up is likely to be more conservative.

Voluntary and Involuntary Tells

Tells can be divided into two categories – voluntary and involuntary. A player who is giving away an involuntary tell is usually unaware that they are doing so. Involuntary tells give you information about a player’s state of mind – whether they are confident or unconfident, excited or bored, nervous or calm and so on.

Voluntary tells, however, are given away on purpose by players who are trying to manipulate you into doing what they want. Voluntary tells are sometimes attempts to cover up an in involuntary tell, and are sometimes outright attempts to deceive.

There are enough involuntary tells to fill an entire book, but I’d like to talk in general about tells of confidence and unconfidence, as these can be very useful. That’s because people are usually unconfident when they have a bad hand or are bluffing, and confident when they have something strong. I’ll also talk about two important tells of excitement that you can use to tell when somebody holds an extremely strong hand.

When a person is confident, that often manifests itself in their behaviour. A person who is confident may change their posture so that they take up a bigger space at the table, or move their hands or their entire body forward. This behaviour is engaging – it shows their interest in the pot and their confidence in what they hold. Likewise, a player who rises up in their chair, lifts their feet, nose or head, or arches their back is probably confident.

Players who are unconfident often do the opposite – they disengage and move away from the table, or slump in their chair, perhaps putting their hands in their pockets or in their lap. Sometimes this behaviour is subtle, but it’s definitely noticeable once you know what to look for.

People who are unconfident or agitated often try to soothe themselves in subtle ways. The behaviour that they display is known as pacifying behaviour, and it’s a good indicator that your opponent is frustrated or uncomfortable.

Think about the football player who misses an easy open-goal shot. What does he do? He covers his head with his hands and screws up his face. This is a pacifying behaviour – as are most ‘eye blocking’ behaviours. Even something as simple as a player adjusting his glasses may be an example of eye blocking.

Other examples of pacifying and low confidence behaviour are hair stroking, nail biting, lip biting or pursing, touching the neck and face, adjusting jewellery, and wiping your hands on your legs. In general, the more neck and face touching is involved, the higher the stress and the lower the confidence.

One last good example of a pacifying behaviour is hugging yourself – that is, wrapping your arms around your body as if hugging an invisible teddy bear. Indeed, this is Phil Hellmuth’s famous tell – one he displayed at the final table of a WPT event just a few years ago which was broadcast to millions.

Tells from the Unaware

A common tell you’ll see from amateur players is looking back at cards. It happens all the time – let’s say you’re playing Hold’em, and the flop comes Kh 9h 7h. You have A-K, with no hearts, and the player across the table from you looks back at his cards. What does that mean?

Well, it might seem obvious, but he’s probably checking to see if he has a heart. That gives you some information straight away – he hasn’t got a flush already, and he doesn’t have two cards of the same suit (because people remember their suit in that case). You’ll be able to tell whether he has the heart by his subsequent behaviour – both his betting actions and his nonverbal behaviour. If the look back is accompanied by engaging behaviour, such as sitting up straight, you can bet he’s going to get involved.

Another time you see players look back at their cards is when they’ve made a big hand from out of nowhere – a hand that has taken the player by surprise. ‘Did I really just flop a set? I better check to make sure’ is how the thought process goes. For example, you’re holding pocket queens and the flop is 10-9-2. You bet the flop and are called. The turn is a jack, and your opponent looks back at his cards.

That look tells you a lot of useful information. First of all, he doesn’t have a straight with the 7-8. If he did have that, he wouldn’t need to check back, and may even be scared to do so in case he gave anything away (that’s also another reason why your opponent hasn’t flopped a flush in the first example). But the jack helped his hand alright.

Most likely, your opponent will have J-10 or pocket jacks. Less likely but possible is a hand like Q-10, which flopped top pair and made an open-ended straight draw with the jack. In any case, the look back has allowed you to greatly narrow his range of hands and you can play the turn and river accordingly. This tell is extremely common and you see it on TV all the time, even from very experienced players.

One more common tell you see from players who are unaware goes like this. You raise preflop, and your opponent calls. As soon as the flop is dealt, your opponent briefly glances down at her chips.

That glance tells you that your opponent is thinking about betting – even more so if it’s followed by a sly glance at your chips as well. You can play the rest of the hand accordingly – if you’ve missed the flop, now might be the time to fold.

Lastly, an opponent whose hand is shaking subtly as they handle their chips probably has a strong hand (provided that they don’t normally shake – but you know this, because you’ve been studying their baseline behaviour, right?) This is often interpreted the other way, as a sign of nervousness – but in reality, it’s a sign of excitement. Don’t call the shaky bet!

Voluntary Tells

The other category of tells, and perhaps the most interesting, is voluntary tells. In other words, your opponent is giving you information on purpose, and your job is to figure out what that information means, and then do exactly the opposite of what your opponent wants you to do.

Most voluntary tells are acts, designed to give out false information about the player’s hand. The most common way that people do this is to act in a way as to convey the opposite of their hand’s actual strength. When they’re strong, they act weak. When they’re weak, they act strong.

Mike Caro, who came up with the ‘strong when weak, weak when strong’ idea, devoted most of a book to various acting tells. Lets look at a few of the most common.

Looking away is a particularly reliable tell if your opponent is also following the action out of the corner of their eye

Looking Away: A common way that a player acts weak when they are strong is to feign disinterest in the hand by looking away from you. They want to appear as unthreatening as possible, and encourage you to put money in the pot. Don’t be tempted.

Staring at the flop with chips in hand - please don't bet into me!

Staring at the Flop: This is a way of acting strong when weak. By feigning interest in the flop – ‘oooh, that flop looks nice, what shall I do?’ - your opponent is hoping that you will check to them.

Should I bet or not, who knows? I've only got the nuts

Gestures: Any exaggerated gesture that your opponent makes is probably an act. For example, a player who shrugs before throwing his chips in is acting unsure, and probably has a good hand. A player who acts as though he’s going to fold when it gets to his turn is probably going to raise. And a player who reaches for her chips threateningly is probably not going to call or bet.

The dwell-up - My hand isn't giving me an easy decision, honest

The Dwell Up: A player who takes an inordinate amount of time to make a decision, then raises, is probably holding a strong hand. The long dwell-up is an act, trying to convey that the raise was a difficult decision and perhaps his hand isn’t that strong after all. Don’t fall for it.

Staring at you is an attempt at intimidation - but how could you be intimidated by this face?

Staring at You: This is the opposite of looking away. By staring at you, the player is trying to intimidate you, and appear threatening. Why? Because he doesn’t want you to bet.

Occasionally, a player will try to confuse you by giving you a voluntary tell that is truthful, but this is much more rare. Your opponent is hoping you will think ‘why would he give me this information if it was the truth? He must be lying’, and then do exactly the opposite of what you would do if you could see their hand.

A couple of years ago I was playing a game with friends. On the river, I had nothing but king high, and my opponent put out a bet of close to the size of the pot. The bet seemed strange, so I asked my opponent ‘Can you beat king high?’. Very quickly, he answered ‘no’. At this point many people would fold, figuring that their opponent must be lying. After all, why would he tell you that he couldn’t beat king high if he wanted you to fold? But I called, and won the pot.

Jamie Gold exploited this tendency in his opponents to great effect on his way to winning the 2006 World Series of Poker Main Event. Often, Jamie would tell his opponents that he was bluffing, and they would fold. Likewise, he would tell them he held the nuts, and they would call him (often with very little). See the box below for a great example.

So how do you tell an act from genuine behaviour? Well, when a person is being deceptive, there will be a conflict between the behaviour or emotional state they are trying to convey and their actual behaviour or emotional state. It’s the conflict that gives them away.

For an example, let’s go back to the looking away tell. If your opponent is looking away, is slumped back in their chair, turned away from the table, and has their cards far away from them where the dealer could just scoop them up, their disinterest is probably genuine. But if they’re sitting up straight, have one hand on their cards, and their body is turned towards the table but the head away, it’s probably an act and you should be careful.

How to Use Tells

So now you know why tells occur, you know how to spot them, and you know how to interpret some of the most common tells in the poker world. But once you have this information, how do you use it?

If your opponent has made a big bet on the river, and a tell has given away that they are bluffing, you might be tempted to call instantly and rub their face in the fact that they gave away their hand. Some people do act like this, but they’re just hurting themselves, because they’ll never be able to use that tell again. Once your opponent knows that you’ve spotted a tell of theirs, you can bet they’re going to try their hardest not to give away any further information.

So don’t tell them! Once you’ve spotted the tell, wait a little while before you act. That way, you can use the same tell over and over again against the same player.

One thing to be wary of is assigning too much importance to a single tell. Lets say you’re playing a hand against a solid opponent. They check-raised the flop, then bet out big on the turn and the river. You have just one pair and are about to fold, when all of a sudden your opponent sits back from the table and folds his arms – disengaging behaviour. Should you change your decision from fold to call, or from fold to raise?

No, probably not. Tells should be used as clues to help support your decision, but will very rarely tip the balance from one extreme to the other. If all of the other evidence, such as betting patterns and your knowledge of your opponent’s playing style, point to a fold, you should very rarely let a single tell tip the balance to a raise.

A single tell in isolation is unreliable. Some are more reliable than others, but in all cases tells are much more useful if you spot several, all of which support each other. So, for example, in the hand above, if your opponent sat back from the table and folded his arms (disengaging behaviour), but also stared at you and shrugged before he made the bet, you could make a much more convincing case for calling (especially if your knowledge of his playing style told you that he liked to bluff a lot).

Lastly, remember that tells are most useful against intermediate players. If you’re playing against beginners who don’t know the value of their own hand, they might give away tells of strength when actually their hand is very weak (simply because they have misread their hand or don’t understand its strength). For example, you might see a beginner giving away tells of strength and fold, only to discover that your opponent held just an inside straight draw.

Likewise, advanced players are better at hiding their tells, and are much more likely to throw out reverse tells to confuse you (more about reverse tells in a while). While pretty much everyone gives away tells occasionally, against advanced players those tells will be much more confusing and much less useful.

How Good are You at Spotting Tells?

Most people aren’t very aware of the nonverbal behaviour of others, at least on a conscious level. While unconsciously we’re responding to the signals of those around us, consciously we don’t spot the subtle behaviours that cause those responses.

I did research of my own into tells and deception while at university, and learned a lot about the subject. Many people make similar mistakes or have similar incorrect attitudes about non verbal behaviour.

Most Poker Players Overrate Their Ability to Detect Tells: The majority of people think they’re good at spotting lies, and the majority of poker players think they are good at spotting tells and reading opponents. In truth, that simply isn’t the case. Humans simply aren’t prepared, by evolution or everyday life, to spot deception and subtle non-verbal behaviour in others. It’s a skill that must be learned.

Most Poker Players Look For The Wrong Clues: You might have heard that if a person covers their mouth or looks away, they’re lying. In actual fact, these everyday ‘tells’ are extremely unreliable, and often plain wrong. In poker, the same applies. The majority of people either don’t know what to look for, or look for the wrong thing. Now that you’ve read this article, you won’t be one of those people!

Incidentally, because your opponents are probably looking for the wrong clues, you should reinforce their behaviour. If they spot a bluff of yours, it’s probably a coincidence but you can convince them it was because you gave away a tell – and this might cause them to make mistakes against you in future.

Women’s Intution: Is as silly as it sounds. Contrary to popular belief, scientific research shows that women are no better than men at picking up on nonverbal clues. Likewise, the ability to detect tells does not vary significantly among different cultures. Poker really is a level playing field.

Most Poker Players Overrate the Importance of Bluffing: My own research showed that poker players, when presented with video footage of a person playing a poker hand, tended to think that the person in the video was bluffing much more often than they actually were. My theory is that big bluffs and fancy plays stand out much more often in our minds than run-of-the-mill hands where somebody bets and takes it down. Our memory is selective, and we remember hands that are exciting more than we perhaps should.

Hiding Your Own Tells

One of the things you might be concerned about now you’ve got this far is hiding your own tells. First of all, a word of caution. If you know that you’ve given away something with a tell, don’t then try to cover it up. That cover-up is a voluntary tell in itself, and simply serves to draw more attention to the behaviour you’re trying to hide.

A good example that comes up frequently is a speech play. It’s a big pot, and on the river you’re pondering a call. ‘I’ve got a big hand,’ your opponent says, his hand shaking as he puts his chips into the pot. But then, he sits back in his chair, puts his hands in his lap, and says ‘Or am I bluffing?’.

Don’t worry, he’s not bluffing. The first behaviour was genuine, and the second was an attempt to cover up that behaviour and confuse you. Don’t do this yourself. If you realise that you’ve given a tell away, simply stop doing it and hope your opponent hasn’t noticed.

There are two approaches to hiding your tells, which I call ‘white noise’ and ‘no signal’ respectively. The white noise approach involves making so many unusual actions and giving away so many tells that your opponent can’t pick out the useful information (or distinguish the signal from the noise, if you like). This approach was pioneered by Mike Caro, and you see it employed in the modern game by Gus Hansen (who is constantly looking puzzled and pulling faces) and to some extent Daniel Negreanu.

The second approach, no signal, simply involves not giving away any information at all. You don’t move, except to put your chips in. You take the same amount of time to take every action and to make every decision – the idea being that if you do everything the same way, you won’t give away any information to your opponents. You’ll see this approach used by Phil Hellmuth and Chris Ferguson – and even 2007 World Series of Poker winner Jerry Yang.

Which approach you take yourself will depend on what sort of person you are. Choose the one that best fits your personality. If you’re exuberant and loud at the table by nature, use that to camouflage the information that you give away. If you’re a quiet type, choose the no signal approach, as that will be easiest for you.

However, the most important thing you can do to cut down on the number of tells you give away is to lower the stakes. That doesn’t necessarily mean playing for less money, but making yourself comfortable in the game in whatever ways you can. If you’re playing a tougher game than you should be, quit. If you’re risking more money in the game than you’re comfortable with, go find another game. The lower the stakes, the less tells you’ll give away.

Reverse Tells

Reverse tells are a tell that you intentionally give away, hoping that your opponent will pick up on it, not realise that you gave it away on purpose, and be tricked into making the wrong decision because they overvalued the tell’s importance. For example, you’re playing Hold’em and on the river you make the nut flush and move all-in. Your opponent is thinking about calling, so you want to encourage him to do so in whatever way you can. You freeze in your chair (a tell of unconfidence), then start to stare at your opponent (a strong when weak tell). Your opponent spots this and calls, then storms away from the table as his chips are pushed to you.

You must be very careful when throwing out a reverse tell. An expert opponent who is watching you closely should be able to spot the difference between a tell that you feign and a genuine tell, because there will be a conflict between the behaviour you’re trying to display and your actual emotional state.

Nevertheless, reverse tells can work well, particularly against opponents who think they are stronger players than they actually are. Several years ago, I remember playing against a cocky student at St. Andrews University, who was constantly staring me down. The next time I was in a hand against him, I had raised preflop with A-K and missed the flop. I put out a fairly standard continuation bet, and my opponent started to stare at me. So I threw out a classic tell of strength, looking away into the distance. My opponent folded his pocket jacks (an overpair to the board) face up, and looked smug as I collected his chips. ‘Wow, nice laydown’ I said. If only he knew.

How Useful Are Tells?

Tells are a useful and important addition to your poker arsenal, but to be completely honest, they’re overrated. The movies present an unrealistic view of tells, and poker TV shows and books exaggerate their importance.

Tells are great if they supplement information that you already have, and they can help you do the right thing when the decision is close. But they have their downsides. Tells are never 100% reliable, particularly if found in isolation, and if not supported by other complementary information.

Betting patterns, probability, and the tendencies of your opponent will always be the key factors that you use to make most poker decisions. You’ll never be able to play a poker hand using tells alone. However, tells can help you to win that extra pot here and there – and the little extra money you win each session really adds up at the end of the year.

Further Reading

There are only two books that are really worth reading about tells – and both are essential parts of a serious poker player’s library. Both books expand on concepts I’ve discussed in this article and go into extra detail that I couldn’t. I can’t recommend them enough. They are:

‘Caro’s Book of Poker Tells’ (Mike Caro, Cardoza Publishing)
‘Read ‘em and Reap’ (Joe Navarro, Collins)

Jamie Gold Boxout

It’s down to the last four tables of the World Series of Poker Main Event. Jamie Gold looks down at Kd 10d, and raises to 175,000. Cocky young pro / would be rapper Prahlad Friedman calls with 7d 7c. The flop comes 4d 2c 2s, and Jamie Gold bets 300,000. Prahlad calls. The turn is the As and both players check. The river comes the 3c. Jamie Gold bets 750,000.

‘I heard a story about you making a nice bluff. You bet about 750, I think’, says Prahlad.
‘You caught me. Please call. You caught me.’ replies Jamie.
‘You showed a king high that time’.
‘You’ve got a good read on me. Man, I can’t believe you’ve got me! I don’t even want to watch.’

Prahlad folds. Jamie told him exactly what he had, and Prahlad didn’t recognise what was happening. Friedman was eliminated shortly thereafter, and Gold went on to become the most unpopular WSOP champion of recent years.

Make or Break?

2008-07-19T20:46:00.005+01:00

I'm currently in an unpleasant situation that I've never been in before. I'm having a losing year at poker.

I've kept detailed records of my poker play for over five years now, and this is the first year ever that I've ever dropped into the red. What's more, it's happened twice this year - I had a losing month in January that set me back a little, and a truly awful June that undid all the good work in February through May.

June was the main culprit, probably because of the World Series of Poker. Ever ambitious, I played three events this year, totalling $5500 in buy-ins. I honestly expected to cash in at least one event, but instead I had three frustrating finishes.

In the first event, the $1500 Razz, I made day 2 as a short stack. This was mainly thanks to Ted Lawson (a player infamous for his board-reading skills, displayed to comedic effect in the 2004 WSOP Pot Limit Omaha broadcast), who crippled me in a typical Razz tournament hand, in which we both started with a draw to a wheel and he ended up showing down a smoother seven low than me.

Entering the Tropical Room at the Rio for Day 2, I felt confident that should I double up, I would have a good chance to make the money and perhaps the final table. I'm not scared of any Razz player in the world - Razz is an extremely theoretical game and my knowledge of poker theory is up there with the best. However, after around half an hour's play, I got it all-in drawing to a seven against Amnon Filipi. A few bricks in a row sent me to the rail.

The next event, a $1500 No Limit Hold'em, ran in similar fashion. In the early stages I was making steady progress - I was concentrating well, and while I wasn't quite running over the table, I had a good read on my opposition and was picking up some nice pots. It all went wrong when I was moved to a new table, full of new unknown players.

There is a new breed of player that simply wasn't around when I first started playing poker - the cocky, young internet player who wants to outplay you in every single pot. One of these players at your table is a blessing, because they will typically give up too much by calling raises with sub-par hands. However, my new table had three such players in a row, with me seated to their right.

That meant that if I wanted to steal the blinds and antes, I had to do it from early position - either that, or be prepared to fire three barrels after the flop. It was a difficult situation, and I didn't handle it too well. Two key hands - one where I got beat with A-K, and one where I got beat by A-K - and I was out. Again, I had made the top 15% of the tournament, but not the money.

Prior to the World Series of Poker, I had played two 2-7 Triple Draw tournaments. Both were multi-table tournaments against reasonably knowledgeable opposition - and I won both. But the third tournament, against a very tough, truly world-class field, was less kind to me. It is the only tournament I have played this year in which I felt outclassed, and I was out after just a couple of hours. Part of the reason was that I did not play as well as my opponents (Bruno Fitoussi, for example, ran an excellent bluff against me), and part of the reason was that I never hit a hand. It seemed like every hand that I would draw one to a seven against an opponent drawing three, and end up with either a pair or a marginal hand, which I would pay off my opponent with after the last draw.

The cash games haven't been kind to me recently either. In critical, preflop all-in pots, I've had K-K beaten by A-K (twice), A-J beaten by A-10, Q-Q beaten by J-J, and A-K beaten by A-Q. I've ran a set of threes into a set of fives, tens full into jacks full (in Omaha Eight or Better - my opponent held J-5-5-3 and caught a well-disguised three on the turn), and top trips into a full house.

This is all beginning to sound like one big bad beat story, so I'll wrap up with what I plan to do.

I have always advised people that when they're running bad, they should drop down in stakes and batten down the hatches. So I've set myself a challenge in bankroll management and game selection, all of which will be played online.

I'll be starting with a bankroll of just $2000, which I will not be allowed to add to or cashout during the challenge. I'll be playing whatever game looks the most profitable - whether it be No Limit Hold'em cash games, Omaha Sit & Gos, or Razz MTTs. The goal is to reach $20,000 by the end of the year. That might seem easy to some, and indeed, it's tempting to just use the whole amount to buy into a $10/$20 game and take my chances.

But the point is to exercise good bankroll management and give myself a great chance to finish the year in profit. It's about reducing variance and grinding out a steady profit, rather than making the most profit at the greatest risk of ruin.

I'll keep you posted.

The Theology of Poker

2008-01-10T01:21:00.000Z

I have been interested in religion for many years. In my time, I've read the Bible, the Koran, the Bhagavad Gita, Tao Te Ching, the Satanic Bible, and other books on theology and philosophy (holy and otherwise). Somehow though, despite a deep fascination with religion, I am agnostic. I don't worship a supernatural deity or play any part in religion, and I never really have.

I'd like to describe myself as an atheist. The world today is full of examples of religion, twisted and perverted to suit an individual's greed or ulterior motives. In America, fundamentalist Christians have a profound effect on policy, foreign and domestic. War is waged on countries that don't agree with the USA's (Christian) moral code. Creationism is taught in schools alongside science. In some areas, a woman cannot even choose to have an abortion, and doctors who perform abortion services are threatened and assaulted. In fact, the effect that religion has on modern society, particularly when it is taken to it's inevitable extremes, is truly worrying.

God

However, to call myself an atheist would be dishonest. The truth is that I was brought up in a Christian country, and I was educated by Christians. My grandparents are Christians, my country is governed by Christians, and while I was at school I took a class called 'Scripture', in which we studied the Christian bible. The effect that all of this childhood indoctrination had on me is unmistakable, and although I find the idea that God exists highly improbable, and I find only artistic, not spiritual, inspiration from the pages of the holy books, the notion that there just might be a God out there somewhere is indelibly branded on my mind.

What does this have to do with poker? Well, recently I was wondering whether religious belief can affect your poker game, either positively or negatively. To become a truly great poker player (as I aspire to do), you need to be able to detach yourself from the swings that are inevitable in the game, and be truly unbiased in assessing your own play. You need to accept responsibility for your mistakes, and be able to analyse your game impartially.

A lot of players can't do that. They can't deal with the swings, so they forever underachieve. Or they refuse to accept that they are to blame for their losses, and look for something or somebody to blame instead.

This culture of blame is encouraged by religion. If you crash your car head on into a pedestrian and they die, it's not your fault. God had a plan, which unfortunately meant that the victim had to pass on. But it doesn't matter - they're in heaven now, a better place.

Religion encourages people not to take responsibility for their own actions - whether good or bad. Some people believe that God pervades all, and that no action takes place without God's will. If they commit an act of outstanding charity, it was because God made them do it. If they catch a miracle card on the river, it was because 'God wished it'.

Never mind for a minute that if God did exist, he probably wouldn't be helping out players of a game in which the greedy objective is to inflict financial damage on your opponents. But why shouldn't you take pride in your achievements, while accepting and learning from your failures? It will make you a better player.

Knowledge of probability is also an essential weapon in a top poker player's arsenal. It's 220-1 against being dealt pocket aces preflop in Hold'em. If you have fifteen outs on the flop, you're a favourite to hit one of them by the river. If you play enough hands, you will inevitably be dealt a royal flush in five cards twice in a row (granted, it could take a lot of hands).

This is hard enough to grasp as it is. The vast majority of new players to the game think they are getting astoundingly unlucky when they take two bad beats in a row, or lose with pocket aces. That's because they don't understand the underlying mathematics, which often explain that a) what happened wasn't all that unlikely and/or b) what happened was bound to happen to someone, somewhere, eventually.

Religion and superstition erode this even further. The whole concept of randomness and the mathematical absolutes of probability fall apart when you believe deep down that they can be subverted at will by a deity. Sure, you're 3-1 against to make this flush, but if you pray really hard, God can turn that magical card for you every time!

I got wondering whether many top poker players were religious. Obviously, Jerry Yang, the winner of the 2007 World Series of Poker Main Event, was nauseatingly so.

Daniel Negreanu is also religious, as he has made clear on his website. I don't know whether this was due to some experience later in his life, whether his Romanian parents had an influence (97.5% of Romania's population is Christian), or whether something else is at work. It's somewhat surprising though, as Daniel appears to be both highly intelligent and fairly young, both of which correlate with reduced religiosity in general.

Doyle Brunson is also outwardly Christian. In Super System he describes two key moments in his life, one in which his own health was spectacularly affected, and one in which his daughter's was, which saw his belief in God reaffirmed. It is interesting that Doyle chooses to ignore the anti-gambling messages of his chosen religion.

I expect the number of top players who are religious to be skewed slightly by the fact that many of poker's best players are American, and America has a much higher proportion of religious people compared to Europe. I am curious how religious are Britain's top players, and Scandinavia's, and Australia's. I would guess, for example, that someone like Gus Hansen is not particularly religious.

I think I am better off as an agnostic poker player, but I sometimes wonder whether believing in God would give me comfort and encouragement in bad times. Maybe I'll never know. Or maybe, just maybe, I'll find God at the main event final table. I'll be sure to let you know.

World Series 2007 Blog

2007-12-13T16:55:00.000Z

I covered the early stages of the 2007 WSOP for InsidePoker magazine. It's been six months, so here are the original, unedited blogs.

WSOP – Days 1 and 2

If you’re a poker player, the World Series of Poker is like Mecca – and just like the real Mecca, the first time you encounter it, you’re blown away. The Pavilion at the Rio truly has to be seen to be believed. It has a presence almost spiritual in nature – something that makes you say to yourself ‘This was worth all the hard work. I have finally arrived.’

Of course, this isn’t everyone’s first pilgrimage to the World Series, and for the many professionals taking a seat in the inaugural World Championship of Mixed Hold’em, a 3-day, $5000 tournament alternating between Limit and No Limit forms of the game, this experience was nothing new. Take Daniel Negreanu, Phil Ivey, and Johnny Chan, for example, who were all sat at the same table (nominated the ‘Tough Table of the Day’ by the daily WSOP newsletter) – none of the three were even slightly fazed by the bright lights, incessant clacking of chips, and ever-present cameras. These three had come to win.

The pros may not have been intimidated by the atmosphere, but they were disappointed with the new style cards introduced by Harrah’s and the United States Playing Card Company, known as ‘Poker Peek’. Complaints were rife, and mostly focused on the fact that the nines and sixes were difficult to tell apart, and the digits too small. Within three hours the cards were changed to the more traditional Kem cards used throughout Las Vegas – but there were rumours that a player had already departed the field before this time, thinking he had a full house, aces full of nines, but flipping over a measly A-6 for trip aces with a bad kicker.

We also saw the World Series’ first Royal Flush. In a hand between European professional Mikael Thuritz and Jimmy Tran, the flop came A-K-Q of diamonds, and Mikael moved all-in. Jimmy called immediately, flashing the J-10 of diamonds. Mikael dejectedly showed two black kings, and stood up from the table.

Many British players, including WPT winner and former Inside Poker columnist Roland de Wolfe, Dave ‘Devilfish’ Ulliot, and EPT London winner Mark Teltscher, turned up for the event, but not many were successful. Devilfish was eliminated after he was crippled by Mike Matusow, then threw his last chips in with pocket tens, losing to an opponent’s two pair. De Wolfe was also eliminated by the end of the day.

While the Mixed Hold’em event was playing out, the lines were forming for Event 3, the first No Limit Hold’em tournament of the year. With literally hundreds of eager players in the queue, the average wait was over three hours. Many professionals, having already signed a release form, sent minions to register on their behalf – others, even those who had had the foresight to preregister online, stood staring at the ceiling waiting for their turn.

The crush of players, lengthy queues, and eventual start of the $1500 No Limit tourney delayed the start of the second day of the Mixed Hold’em event, which saw 97 players remaining from the 451 runners fighting it out for 45 money spots. Greg ‘Full Blown Tilt’ Mueller, who had led the field for most of day 1, was able to increase his stack steadily, becoming the first player to cross the 300,000 chips mark, and secured his place in the money.

From Day 1’s table of doom, only Johnny Chan was to make it to the second day, finishing in 31st place. Brit Mark Teltscher fared a little better, making it to 29th place. The field eventually pared down to the final table of nine players, who will take a seat tomorrow to battle it out for the $536,287 first prize. Many of the finalists are relative unknowns, something not too unusual for the WSOP these days, but notable exceptions are WPT winner Steve Paul Ambrose, in second chip position, and Greg Mueller, in third. Short stacks John Younger and Jon Turner have their work cut out for them if they’re to make it to the big money paying positions.
Meanwhile, the $1500 No Limit Hold’em event, which also started late, was breaking records with just short of 3000 players registered. If there were doubts over whether the legal situation in the USA were to hurt this year’s event, they were quashed pretty quickly.

The action got off to a fast and furious start, with Devilfish, American Pie star Shannon Elizabeth, and Chris ‘Jesus’ Ferguson all quickly eliminated. Phil Hellmuth departed shortly afterwards, after getting all his money in with pocket kings only for his opponent to make quad jacks. In the meantime, Brit Roland de Wolfe was busy accumulating a huge stack. By the time the money bubble burst late in the evening, he had accumulated approximately 140,000 chips (from a starting stack of just 3000), and is in second place behind young American pro Alex Jacob in the chip standings. He’s in a great position to take a shot at the first place prize of $727,012 and his first bracelet.

Tomorrow is a busy day, seeing the crowning of the first World Champion of Mixed Hold’em, the second day of the busy $1500 event, and the start of both the $1500 Pot Limit Hold’em (an event in which Europeans traditionally do well) and the $2500 Mixed Hi/Lo, consisting of half Stud Eight or Better and half Omaha Eight or Better. With four events on the go, there will be a lot happening. Keep an eye on www.insidepokermag.co.uk for the roundup.

WSOP – Day 3

June the 3rd was a busy day at the Rio, with no less than four events running at the same time. The first bracelet was to be decided in the $5000 World Championship of Mixed Hold’em, the first big No Limit event was to be pared down to the final few players, and two new events were due to begin – event 4, $1500 Pot Limit Hold’em, and event 5, the $2500 Mixed Hi/Lo (half Stud 8 and half Omaha 8).

The Pot Limit event got off to a furious start, with 781 players vying for the first place prize of over $250k. Current world champion Jamie Gold was one of the first to go, getting his chips in with top two pair on an all-hearts flop, and running into a flush. Europeans traditionally do well in Pot Limit events at the World Series, as the format is not particularly popular in North America (with No Limit and Limit by far the most dominant). However, few Europeans have been able to do well so far, with Padraig Parkinson, Andy Black, and Devilfish already eliminated. 51 players made it to day two of the event, but only one big European name, Italian Marco Traniello, was up there with the leaders.

Light relief was provided by Chip Jett, who took a seat in the event and was promptly eliminated, only to be challenged by a latecomer that he was sitting in his seat. It turned out that Chip was in the right seat, at the right table, but on the wrong day – his event starts tomorrow!

Meanwhile, in the $1500 No Limit event, there was controversy when some players discovered that they had lost chips overnight. Apparently, players counted stacks and signed them off at the end of the night, but Rio staff subsequently coloured up the smaller chips. Somewhere along the line a mistake was made and several players ended up with fewer chips – with one player, Ryan Fair, even losing the chiplead at his table. The mistake was rectified fairly quickly and play continued.

Roland De Wolfe, amongst the chipleaders on day 1, was unable to significantly increase his chips and never caught a break, finishing in 107th place and winning $5115. The final table was eventually decided, with German Andreas Krause sat in between leaders Alex Jacob and Paul Evans, nursing a stack of just twelve big blinds. Hopes that a European will win the event are slim, but not non-existent.

While all this was happening, a world champion of Mixed Hold’em was decided. Steve Billirakis, at 21 years old and 10 days, becomes the youngest World Series of Poker titleholder in history. The event was decided in Limit Hold’em, with Billirakis grinding second place finisher Greg Mueller down, and finally finishing him off with K-2 against Mueller’s 5-4s. Billirakis is a quiet young man, but had predicted in his interview with ESPN that he was going to win. When asked by presenter Norman Chad about it, he coolly answered ‘What was I supposed to say? I think I’ll finish second?’

Tomorrow sees the start of the $1500 Limit Hold’em event (in which yours truly will be playing) and the $5000 Pot Limit Omaha with Rebuys. With any luck, the pros will take a shot at the Omaha, leaving me alone with the fishes. Keep an eye on insidepokermag.co.uk for the updates.

WSOP – Day 4

If Day 3 was a hectic one at the Rio in Las Vegas, Day 4 was insane! No less than five events were scheduled to be running simultaneously, alongside constantly-running satellites and cash games – the final table of the $1500 No Limit Hold’em, which would award the Series’ second bracelet, the second day of the $1500 Pot Limit Hold’em, which would cut the field down to the final table, the second day of the $2500 Mixed Hi/Lo, which would do the same, the $1500 Limit Hold’em event, which would see 910 players fight it out for 90 money places, and the $5000 Pot Limit Omaha rebuy event – a pro favourite.

In the $1500 No Limit Hold’em, German Andreas Krause was to double up after hitting a wheel, crippling Matt Vengrin who was eliminated shortly thereafter. Krause then eliminated Bart Hanson himself, holding pocket queens against Hanson’s A-10. All of a sudden, he was third in chips and with a real chance to win... but after just a few hands he was on the rail, after moving in with K-10 and being called by A-10.

Long-time chipleader Alex Jacob was eliminated in third place by Ciaran O’Leary, which gave him a truly humongous 5 to 1 lead over heads-up opponent Paul Evans. It took just two hands for O’Leary to take the title, $727,012 in prize money, and the 2007 series second bracelet.
Meanwhile, Annie Duke, sporting a Rachel-from-Friends-esque new hairdo, was busy accumulating chips in the Mixed Hi/Lo. 32 players made the money, with pro Mike Matusow being one of the unlucky ones to miss out. Online player Tom Schneider leads the field going into the final table, with Duke slightly behind. Joining them at the final table are pros Chris ‘Jesus’ Ferguson, David Benyamine, and John Phan.

In the Pot Limit Hold’em, one of the early eliminations was Freddy Deeb. Simply by looking at Deeb you could guess he would be quickly knocked out – he looked angry and tired from the minute he sat down. Meanwhile Gavin Smith went on a tear, and was able to accumulate 480,000 in chips for the final table. Italian pro and husband to Jennifer Harman, Marco Traniello, was also able to make the final table, with 277,000 in chips. Joining them are Jon Friedberg, and online pro Eric ‘Rizen’ Lynch.

I myself was playing in the $1500 Limit Hold’em event. I had hoped that the addition of the $5000 Pot Limit Omaha with rebuys would distract most of the big name pros, and my prayers were answered. Every table in the Omaha event contained at least two recognisable faces – Mike Sexton and Doyle Brunson at one table, David Benyamine, Jennifer Harman, Gus Hansen and more at others. However the limit event was still populated with a few pros – Phil Ivey took the time to enter, as did Andy Bloch and irritating loudmouth Kathy Liebert, who led the field for most of the day but was thankfully eliminated before the money.

How did I get on, I hear you cry? Well, although I hit a couple of big hands, I was rarely able to get paid off – early on I flopped the nut straight on a two flush board, only for the turn to come with a club that paired the board, and the river with another club – although thankfully nobody had a club. Later I flopped quads and was able to extract one bet out of my opponent, when the river gave them a pair. The rest of the time I spent missing every flop, or running hands like pocket kings into an opponent’s 9-7 offsuit and his turned two pair. I was eventually eliminated in about 350th place, and went to a bar where a round cost $25 to ease the pain.

Tomorrow sees the final table of the $1500 Pot Limit Hold’em and the $2500 Mixed Hi/Lo, Day 2 of the Limit Hold’em event in which the 90 players in the money will battle it out for the final table positions, Day 2 of the $5000 Pot Limit Omaha, and the start of the $1000 No Limit Hold’em with Rebuys. It should be another busy day at the Rio!

WSOP – Day 5

Day 4 of the World Series of Poker had a whopping five bracelet events running simultaneously. However, Day 5 was not to be outdone. I see your five events, and raise you one more, it said! Six tournaments in total, so little time – I will be brief.

First, the Pot Limit Hold’em final table. It was a star-studded field, with online pro Eric Lynch, bracelet winner Jon Friedberg, WPT Season 4 Player of the Year Gavin Smith, and European Marco Traniello sitting down with a few less famous faces to duke it out for the cash. First to go was Traniello, who moved all-in with A-K and was called by Smith’s pocket jacks. He didn’t improve, and left in ninth place, his twelfth cash in the past three years (more than any other player in this timeframe).

Smith went on a tear, eliminating Jeff Langdon and Eric Lynch before slowing down a little. Bruce Van Horn (who finished second to Huck Seed in the 1998 main event) was eliminated by Jon Friedberg; Thomas Savitsky was knocked out by William Hill (no, not that one), then Hill was sent to the rail by Mike Spegal, leaving him heads up with Gavin Smith.

Spegal chipped away at Smith, eventually ending the tournament holding A-10s against Smith’s pocket fives. The board came with three spades to give Spegal the bracelet and $252,290. Spegal was celebrating his ninth wedding anniversary that night, and his wife was there in the stands cheering him on as he held the money aloft.

In the Limit Hold’em event, the remaining 90 players fought it out for the final table spots. With no European presence left in the field and no famous names, it’s likely that this bracelet will be won quietly. Gary Stycznsky leads the final table with a massive 817,000 chips, with short-stacked Peter O’Donnell in last place with just 55,000 – less than two big bets at the stakes of 15000/30000.

A second final table was also playing out today, in the $2500 Mixed Hi/Lo. John Phan was the first to go, eliminated by Annie Duke. David Benyamine went in sixth place, after he ran into chip leader Tom Schneider’s three aces. Chris Bell went shortly after, with Chris ‘Jesus’ Ferguson following in fourth. Annie Duke, the first female player to make a final table in 2007, left in third place after desperately battling to catch up to leader Schneider in the Omaha 8 level.
Heads up between Tom Schneider and Ed Tonnellier was also to be decided in Omaha 8, as Schneider scooped a huge pot, giving him a 543 to 1 chip lead! Tonnellier doubled up a few times before being finally eliminated – Schneider taking home $214,347 and the Series’ fifth gold bracelet.

The $1000 No Limit Hold’em with Rebuys was also due to start today, and provided spectators with more than the usual entertainment for the early stages of a tournament. There were frequent all-ins and it was clear that some players were simply blowing off steam – Layne Flack rebought twelve times, for example. After the smoke cleared, 1814 rebuys by 844 players had swelled the prize pool to over $2.5 million!

At the end of the first day, there are some fairly famous names at the top of the leaderboard. Sorel Mizzi sits at the top, with 240,000 in chips (a profit of 238,000 on the starting stacks of 2000), as is followed closely by Michael Binger (who made the final table of the 2006 main event), Amir Vahedi, Gavin Griffin, and Michael Gracz.

In the pro-filled Pot Limit Omaha tournament, several Europeans cashed including Ram Vaswani, Ben Grundy, and Robin Keston. Andy Black was busted in eleventh place, and perennial Omaha final-tabler Robert Williamson barely missed out, finishing in tenth. However it was Devilfish did the Brits proud by making it to the final table with a bunch of chips, 1,300,000 to be exact. It’s his tournament to lose – his opponents include Humberto ‘The Shark’ Brenes, John Juanda, Minh Ly, Robin Keston, and second in chips Eric Cajelais. Is he worried? No. ‘These guys don’t know how to spell Omaha’, he said, taking a leaf out of fellow UltimateBet pro Phil Hellmuth’s book. Can Dave Colclough’s nomination for ‘most overrated player in Britain’ win his second bracelet? We’ll find out tomorrow when the final table is played out.

The last event to be played today was the $1500 Omaha Eight or Better, which started play in the outdoor overflow tent. Us Brits may be used to worse, but in Las Vegas a slight breeze is considered ‘bad weather’. There was constant whinging from the players and tournament directors almost stopped play altogether – the tournament was eventually moved indoors after some space was cleared.

At the end of the day, Jordan Morgan (who had a great run at the 2006 US Poker Championship) is top of the leaderboard and Russian Kirill Gerasimov is also running well. Day 2 will be played out tomorrow and will whittle the field down to the usual final table.
Tomorrow is expected to be a quieter day, with only one new event (the $2000 No Limit Hold’em) starting up. For some it will be a welcome break, but for others the urge to get back into action will be too much. There are smaller alternatives at the Venetian and Binions, and the cash games will also undoubtedly be busy. Stay tuned for more news, here at insidepokermag.co.uk.

WSOP – Day 6

For those observing the WSOP, Day 6 was a relatively sanguine time – a well-deserved break from the madness of the previous days. There were two final tables to be played out, in Limit Hold’em and Pot Limit Omaha, both the $1000 No Limit Hold’em and $1500 Omaha Eight or Better were down to the money, and the two new events starting, the $5000 Stud and the $2000 No Limit Hold’em, weren’t expected to draw enormous fields. Overall the atmosphere in the Rio was a little less chaotic than usual.

In the Limit Hold’em, chipleader Gary Styczynski cut through the competition to take the bracelet and $280,715 in prize money with relative ease. The event was broadcast, complete with hole cards, with a one hour delay over the internet. Future events will also be available – check out worldseriesofpoker.com for the details.

In the Pot Limit Omaha, Devilfish’s hopes of a second bracelet were dashed. Although he was able to build up chips early in the proceedings by knocking out Humberto Brenes, when he got it all-in against chipleader Eric Cajelais with a flush draw and open-ended straight draw, he couldn’t hit a card and was eliminated. The event was eventually taken down by Burt Boutin, who eliminated Cajelais by catching two pair. Ask anybody how Boutin got his chips, and nobody will be able to tell you – he came from nowhere to be one of the leaders without being involved in any of the truly enormous pots. Boutin won a massive $825,956 for his efforts.

In the No Limit Hold’em rebuy event, an interesting development occurred when Vinnie Vinh, who started the day with over 200,000 in chips, never arrived to play. He was blinded away for the entire day and of course never made the final table, which features Shane Schleger, Michael Gracz, and Amir Vahedi amongst a mix of less well-known names.

In the Omaha Eight or Better, both Rob Hollink and former Inside Poker columnist Roland de Wolfe were able to make the money, but few famous faces could make the final table, which will be played out tomorrow. Jordan Morgan, who was one of the leaders in Day 1, makes a well-deserved appearance alongside Alex Kravchenko and six others. Interestingly on the final table bubble, two players were eliminated on the same hand (by Morgan) and so the final hands will be played out eight-handed instead of the usual nine-handed.

Day 6 saw two new events start up – the $2000 No Limit Hold’em, which saw 1531 players shooting at a $566,916 first prize, and the $5000 Seven Card Stud, which saw another star-studded but small field aiming at the $258,453 prize. In the Hold’em, Phil Hellmuth broke his own record for WSOP cashes, with 58 money finishes in his playing history. 125 players will return tomorrow to pare the field down to the final table.

In the Stud, Mike Sexton made waves early in the day but was eliminated shortly before play stopped. Only 24 places are paid in the event, and 86 remaining players will be battling it out tomorrow to see who wins them. Famous faces Daniel Negreanu and Barry Greenstein are still in, as are a number of European players including Theo Jorgenson, Jan Sorensen, Thor Hansen and Marco Traniello.

Day 7 sees just one new event start up, the shorthanded $1500 No Limit Hold’em. It’s expected to be an interesting event with lots of aggressive play – keep an eye on insidepokermag.co.uk to see if it is.

WSOP – Day 7 , 8 and 9

The World Series of Poker 2007 has been running for over a week now, and has been breaking records every step of the way. No less than eight events were taking place over Days 7 and 8, each crowning a champion – some a World Champion – but all awarding the coveted World Series of Poker bracelet.

In the $1000 No Limit Hold’em with rebuys, Michael Chu, an enthusiastic Amateur from Los Angeles, flattened the opposition at the final table to take the bracelet and the huge $585,744 first prize. He fought through some tough opponents, including Maciek ‘Michael’ Gracz and Amir Vahedi, without making a single rebuy or add-on. This was Chu’s first cash at any WSOP and he has no plans to quit his day job.

The $1500 Omaha 8 or better final table saw Russian businessman Alex Kravchenko take the title and $228,446. First day chip-leader Jordan Morgan was one of the first to go, exiting in 7th place. At the heads up-stage, Kravchenko had close to a 2 to 1 lead over Bryan Devonshire, and was able to eliminate him fairly quickly after making trip fours against Devonshire’s aces up. It’s hard to imagine a more emotionless winner than Kravchenko – he has a true poker face and maintained it even when presented with the bracelet.

In the $2000 No Limit Hold’em, controversial online player Justin Bonomo entered the final table as chipleader but ran into trouble in the middle stages, getting all in holding kings against his opponent’s aces. He was eliminated shortly afterwards after getting his money in with K-10 and losing a coinflip against Will Durkee. Durkee went on to take the bracelet after hitting a straight against runner-up Todd Terry. Durkee earned $566,916 for his efforts – his fourth WSOP cash.

Days 7 and 8 saw two Seven Card Stud events running in succession. First was the $5000 World Championship, a star studded field which was pared down to a final table including Europeans Theo Jorgenson and Marco Traniello, pros Ted Lawson, Phil Ivey, Chris Reslock, and David Oppenheim, and two amateurs. Oppenheim led the field going into the final table but it was Reslock who was the deserving victor – he fought back from being the third-shortest stack, knocking out four players before going into a titanic battle with Ivey and Oppenheim. The final hand saw Ivey and Reslock lock horns, Ivey holding two pair and Reslock a set of tens. It’s unlikely that there will be a tougher final table at this year’s World Series, and World Champion Reslock was modestly elated with his win and the $258,453 prize money. ‘The cards went my way, but I played well’, he said.

The $1500 Stud, a short 2-day event, ended up going on til the early hours of Sunday morning, with German Michael Keiner taking the bracelet home to Europe, after beating both Barry Greenstein and 2004 World Champion Greg Raymer at the final table. Keiner is well respected on the European circuit and this is sure to be a popular victory. The win earned Keiner $146,987.

In the $1500 Shorthanded Hold’em event, a final table of mostly unknowns battled it out for $481,697 in first place prize money. Jason Warner, the chipleader going into the final table, was able to stave off the competition and took home the bracelet.

Going into Day 9, no less than three events are in progress. In the $5000 Pot Limit Hold’em, the final table was decided and includes Jason Lester, Allen Cunningham, Gavin Griffin, Humberto Brenes (who is having an excellent series by anyone’s standards but will have to overcome a significant chip deficit), and leader Jeffrey Lisandro, who has almost 1,000,000 in chips.

In the $1500 No Limit Hold’em, Phil Hellmuth extended the record that he broke just a few days ago by cashing for a 59th time. Despite what people say about Hellmuth, it’s difficult to argue with his record in Hold’em tournaments. Frenchman Fabrice Soulier is one of the leaders going into Day 2 and joins Hellmuth, Bertrand ‘Elky’ Grospellier, and Joe Bartholdi.

The next event is the $2500 HORSE – the first HORSE event leading up to the huge $50,000 World Championship of HORSE later in the Series. Understandably there were many big names in the field, but that didn’t stop some amateurs taking a shot. ‘Playing Razz, I capped it on fifth street with a made eight against a guy with a king and a nine showing’, said David Williams, ‘he made a seven on the river and I bricked’. Williams was visibly frustrated with his current World Series performance during our chat, but was apparently able to recover – he is now one of the leaders going into Day 2, and has almost 20,000 in chips. Joining him at the top are Stud World Champion Chris Reslock, Cindy Violette, Layne Flack and Steve Zolotow. Europeans Andy Black and John Gale also made it to Day 2.

Tomorrow sees the start of the $5000 World Championship of Limit Hold’em, as well as the $1000 Ladies Event, one of only three non-open events at the World Series (the others being the Seniors’ event and the Casino Employees’ event).

I’m sure many of you are bored with simply reading about results, and some of you have asked ‘What is it actually like to be at the Rio during the World Series?’ To be brutally honest, the feeling inside the Amazon Room and the surrounding areas of the Pavilion is of organised chaos. Dealers and floorpeople vary widely in their knowledge of the game, interpretation of the rules, and skill. There is no computerised list system for the cash games or satellites, so instead staff scream out available seats and tables to each other, and keep track of waiting lists on a whiteboard. The Rio is noisy, poorly organised, and dirty.

What’s more, the World Series has never been so commercial or tacky. It’s understandably difficult to run events for so many people without making compromises, but the 2007 Series lacks much of the class, dignity and sportsmanship that brings out the best in poker. There are sponsors for everything – from the bracelets to the surveillance systems. What used to be a top restaurant is now a $2 buffet – a pasteurised and inoffensive affair designed to accommodate as many people as possible. If it wasn’t for the huge amount of money up for grabs, the TV exposure and the weak opposition, very few knowledgeable players would be at the Rio. WSOP alternatives being held at the Venetian and Binions are doing extraordinarily well, as are cash games at other plush poker rooms like the MGM Grand and Caesars Palace.

So how am I enjoying the World Series? Well, quite frankly, every time I catch a cab to the Rio it is with a heavy heart, and every time I arrive there I can’t wait to leave. That pretty much sums things up.

Perhaps I’ll change my mind when I win the Razz bracelet next week!

WSOP – Day 10

Day 10 was an exciting one for those of us observing the World Series of Poker.
All eyes were on the final table of the $5000 World Championship of Pot Limit Hold’em. Last year’s champion Jason Lester took on Gavin Griffin, Jeffrey Lisandro, Humberto Brenes, and the ever-dangerous Allen Cunningham in an attempt to get his hands on another bracelet and almost half a million dollars in first prize money.

Lisandro, the chip leader going into the final table, eliminated the first player before hitting a wall, doubling up Jason Lester and Humberto Brenes but never losing the chip lead. He then took out Gavin Griffin holding a flush draw and straight draw against Griffin’s ace-high.
Cunningham then vaulted to the chip lead by eliminating a player, then winning a massive pot against Jeff Lisandro with a flush. Lisandro was unfazed however, and in a thrilling hand knocked out two players including Jason Lester simultaneously – his QQ standing up against Lester’s AK and the third player’s pocket sevens.

Shortly afterwards Humberto Brenes was eliminated after making a move with 10-9 and running into Cunningham’s A-Q. This gave Cunningham a slight chip lead for the heads up duel, which he was able to extend after a long fought-out battle. He finally eliminated Lisandro with K-9 against Lisandro’s Queens, after catching a King on the turn.

Cunningham took home his fifth bracelet, and further cemented his reputation as one of the top tournament players of today. Even Phil Hellmuth felt the need to bow down to Allen as he claimed that he was only a quarter of the way to the 20 bracelet target he had set for himself.
Speaking of Phil Hellmuth, he is well on his way to a possible record-breaking eleventh bracelet, sitting second in chips going into the final table of the $1500 No Limit Hold’em. The final table doesn’t have many well-known faces with the exception of Hellmuth and Frenchman Fabrice Soulier, but it’s sure to be one of the most closely watched events tomorrow.

In the $2500 HORSE event, Day 2 saw the field play down to 20 players. Despite an encouraging first day, David Williams fell short, finishing 31st for $6923. Here’s hoping it will be the first cash of many. Going into the third day, Darrell ‘Gigabet’ Dicken, John Gale, Chris Bjorin, and Robert Mizrachi are all still in the running, but trail Californian Ali Eslami and his monster 200,000 stack.

The $5000 Limit Hold’em World Championship also started today, and rivalled the $5000 rebuy Pot Limit Omaha for star-quality at the tables. Doyle Brunson, despite arriving late, was able to build up almost 50,000 in chips to take through to day 2, just behind European chipleader Thomas Wahlroos. If Hellmuth isn’t able to take the eleventh bracelet record, Brunson might!

Lastly, an event which is considered by many as a novelty in the World Series, the $1000 Ladies No Limit Hold’em. Many of the better known female professionals –Annie Duke, Cyndy Violette, Jennifer Harman and so on – shun the event, preferring to play the bigger buy-in open events on a level playing field. However that didn’t stop 1286 ladies taking a seat in the event, all vying for the bracelet and some serious cash.

The fairer sex duked it out until the money, with big names Katrina Jett, Jennifer Tilly, and Clonie Gowen all falling before the bubble. Going into the second day, German Katja Thater is amongst the leaders as is last year’s winner Mary Jones. There’s little doubt that it will be an interesting day 2 as 64 ladies battle it out for a seat at what will probably be the best-dressed final table of the year.

Will Hellmuth win his eleventh bracelet? Will Brunson retain a big stack in the limit Hold’em? Will the ladies quit playing poker and go shopping instead? Stay tuned to insidepokermag.co.uk to find out.

WSOP – Day 11

Day 11 was a record breaking day in the history of the World Series of Poker.
In the second $1500 No Limit Hold’em event of the Series, Phil Hellmuth entered the final table second in chips, and with hopes of winning his eleventh bracelet. First to go was Taylor Douglas, who ran his Q-10 into his opponent’s A-Q, followed by Ut Nguyen, Frenchman Fabrice Soulier, David Simon and Scott Clements.

Going into the four-handed action, Hellmuth had a significant lead, mainly due to one hand in which he caught a straight against Rick Fuller (also the hand to eliminate Soulier). The shortest stack, Morgan Machina, was busted in a rare family pot as all three opponents called in an attempt to eliminate him. Andy Philacheck’s pair of aces was good enough to do the job.
Shortly thereafter, Hellmuth eliminated Rick Fuller holding top pair, leaving him heads up with Andy Philacheck with a huge lead. Ironically for someone like Hellmuth who is well known for complaining about bad beats, he would win the last hand with a suckout. All in with A-3 against Philacheck’s A-10, Hellmuth caught a three on the flop to bust his opponent and win his eleventh gold bracelet, which was presented to him by both Johnny Chan and Doyle Brunson. This is the second record Phil has extended this year – he now has the highest number of cashes in the World Series as well as the most bracelets. Could he be the greatest tournament Hold’em player of all time?

A second final table also played out today, in the $2500 HORSE. Robert Mizrachi, Chris Bjorin, and 2007 bracelet winner Tom Schneider all made it to the final eight. Schneider was a short stack but was able to triple up early and eliminate a player. Mizrachi was not so lucky, eliminated in sixth place by Bjorin. Schneider was then eliminated in the next Seven Card Stud section, after pushing his pair and open-ended straight draw all the way to the river, and being picked off by James Richburg’s pair of kings. He finished fourth but gained the respect of many of his peers.

Bjorin went next, falling in the Hold’em section. Richburg, who had won a bracelet in Razz last year, then started the heads up with a fairly significant lead, and was able to cripple Walter Browne in the Razz section. Richburg ended up winning holding a perfect six low against Browne’s ten. He took the bracelet and $239,503 for his efforts.

In Day 2 of the $5000 Limit Hold’em World Championship, Doyle Brunson’s hopes of equalling Phil Hellmuth’s bracelet record were dashed when he was eliminated before the money. The final table consists of mostly unknowns, and will see $333,379 in prize money as well as the coveted bracelet awarded.

In the Ladies event, last year’s champion Mary Jones took a tough beat when holding pocket aces and was unable to recover, finishing in 16th place. Katja Thater, Europe’s best-known hope in this event, made the final table with 340,000 in chips. Vanessa Selbst also made the final table and chases the leader, Frauke Ritter von Sporschill (now there’s a tongue twister for you) who has 523,000. The final table will play out tomorrow afternoon.

Lastly, two new events kicked off today. In the $2500 No Limit Hold’em, Greg ‘FBT’ Mueller, Bertrand ‘Elky’ Grospelier, and Mike Matusow are amongst the leaders. 99 players will duke it out tomorrow for the final table positions.

In the $2000 Stud Hi/Lo, 2004 World Champion Greg Raymer, double bracelet winner Jeff Madsen, and Perry Friedman lead the field into Day 2. 136 of the 340 players remain and will battle it out for 8 final table places tomorrow.

Keep an eye on insidepokermag.co.uk for the results!

WSOP – Days 12 and 13

Days 12 and 13 saw relative unknowns establish their names and take their turn in the spotlight.

In the $5000 Limit Hold’em, a world champion was crowned in the shape of Saro Getzoyan, a software developer from Massachusetts. Getzoyan was able to pick up a monster pot on the way to the heads up stage, by picking up aces at precisely the right time (his opponent had kings and was not surprisingly crippled on the hand). He started off the heads up battle with a 2-1 lead over his opponent Geoff Sanford, and finally finished him off after flopping top pair against Sanford’s middle pair.

Day 12 also saw the final table of the Ladies’ event, in which German Katja Thater was able to build up a decent chip lead in the early going. She eliminated both Julie Dang in ninth and fellow professional Vanessa Selbst in eighth. However, one mistake was all it took to cripple Thater, as she overplayed pocket tens, running into Sally Anne Boyer’s pocket kings. She was eventually eliminated in fifth, a position that is sure to be a disappointment. No doubt that we’ll see Thater again in the future though.

The event eventually reached a climax when Sally Anne Boyer, a recent graduate of the World Series of Poker Academy (an instructional course featuring Phil Hellmuth, Greg Raymer and Joe Navarro as lecturers), chipped away at Anne Heft’s chip lead and eventually delivered the coup de grace with K-2, hitting a deuce on the river against Heft’s K-10. She took home a bracelet, a very bling Corum watch, and $262,077 in prize money with a tear in her eye.

In the $2500 No Limit Hold’em, Mike Matusow made it close to the money and Humberto Brenes made his third final table of this year’s series. British player John Shipley also cashed, finishing in 39th place. Frenchman Bertrand Grospellier threw his chips away with 3-2s, and was eliminated in ninth. Brenes was eventually eliminated in seventh place, after his A-K failed to improve against Devin Porter’s pocket nines.

John ‘The Razor’ Phan dominated the final table, but ran into trouble in the heads up stage against Francois Safieddine. Safieddine built up an almost three to one chip lead on Phan, during which time he called the clock on Phan more than once – a move which is often considered bad etiquette amongst professionals. However, it brought no bad karma for Safieddine as on the final hand he moved all-in with pocket fours, and rivered a four against Phan’s pocket aces to win the bracelet and $521,785 in prize money.

The $2000 Stud Eight or Better event also saw big names depart early, including John Juanda, Chris ‘Jesus’ Ferguson, and InsidePoker favourite Ted Forrest. It was mostly unknown players that made the final table, with one exception – 2004 Main Event Champion Greg Raymer, who has long professed that Stud 8 is his best game. Fossilman entered the final table third in chips and moved to the chip lead, eliminating three players in the process. However, he lost a few significant pots and was crippled by Ryan Hughes, eventually eliminated in a heartbreaking fourth place.

Hughes was to go on to win the event, making four tens against second place finisher Min Lee’s three fours on the final hand. He took $176,358 in addition to the bracelet back to Phoenix, Arizona.

The last event taking place on Day 13 was a breath of fresh air for the World Series. A quick event, the $1500 No Limit Hold’em Shootout, saw 900 players cut down to ninety and then nine in just a few hours. Both Barry Greenstein and his son Joe Sebok made the second round, as did WPT announcer Vince Van Patten and Erik Seidel, but all were eliminated before the third round was set.

The final table is a breath of fresh air and sees friends Daniel Negreanu and Erick Lindgren go at it, along with seven others. All players will start with an equal number of chips and will battle it out for what is expected to be about a quarter of a million dollars in first place prize money, as well as the coveted bracelet, which would be Negreanu’s fourth and Lindgren’s first.

Some of you have asked who my picks for the main event are and how big I think the field will be. Well, while I doubt this year’s event will eclipse that of 2006 due to the US’ ridiculous legislation and the confusion surrounding it, I would not be surprised to see over 7,000 players sign up. It’s hard to pick players to do well in such a massive field, and the main event will always be somewhat of a lottery. However, a few players like Allen Cunningham, Greg Raymer, Phil Hellmuth, Humberto Brenes, and Marco Traniello have shown real promise so far in this series. All of them have demonstrated that they have a style that works well in large-field no limit tournaments, and I would not be surprised to see them make it deep in the main event.
Keep an eye on insidepokermag.co.uk to see who rises to the top and who blows up over the coming days.

WSOP – Day 14

Day 14 saw two of the best known players in the world make a run for a bracelet.

At the $1500 No Limit Hold’em Shootout final table, Daniel Negreanu and Erick Lindgren were hoping to earn their fourth and first bracelets respectively. However, both were to falter on their way to the top.

Lindgren was first to go, moving all-in with A-7 on a J-9-5-A board. His opponent called with A-9 for two pair and sent him to the rail in a disappointing eighth place. Negreanu actually built up quite a significant lead and eliminated four players on the way to the final three. At that point, most of the crowd were rooting for Negreanu and treating the tournament almost like a foregone conclusion.

However Negreanu was to double up Don Baruch twice, with Baruch becoming his nemesis at the final table, winning another large pot soon after. However it was Jared Davis that eliminated Negreanu, holding pocket fives against Negreanu’s A-8. The fives held up and Negreanu left in third place.

Florida resident Baruch, with over a 3-1 lead going into the heads up stage, slowly chipped away at Davis’ remaining stack and finally finished him off with K-Q against Davis’ A-5 when a queen flopped. Baruch earned $264,107 for the win, as well as the coveted gold bracelet.

Three events were to start up today. The first was the $5000 No Limit Hold’em, which saw 640 players whittled down to just 87 in a fast paced tournament. Internet Dustins dominate the standings, with Dustin ‘Neverwin’ Woolf and Dustin ‘John Smiley’ Dirksen both in the top ten. Also high in the standings are WSOP final tabler Tex Barch, 2007 bracelet winner Allen Cunningham, and Hendon Mobster Ross Boatman. Boatman claims he has not seen any big hands so far, so we can only assume he’s stolen a lot of pots.

The second new event was the $1500 Pot Limit Omaha, somewhat dryly referred to by some as the World Championship of Short Stacked Omaha (with just 3000 starting chips and 25-50 blinds, it doesn’t take long to get the money into the middle). 576 players entered, and these had been whittled down to just 23 after the first day’s play! Irishman Padraig Parkinson was an early (and loud) elimination, as was Sam Farha (often regarded as one of the best Omaha players in the world). Remaining in the hunt for almost $200k in first prize money are chip leader Scott Clements, who won a bracelet in Omaha Eight or Better last year, European Andy Black, Eric ‘Rizen’ Lynch, and Johnny Chan, who has about as good a chance as any to equal Phil Hellmuth’s eleven bracelet record set just a few days ago. Chan has 116,000 chips to Clements’ 248,000, but in a game as ‘high variance’ (read: crapshooty) as Omaha, anything can happen.
Lastly, in a relatively small and quiet tournament for the WSOP, 236 players took seats in the $3000 Stud Eight or Better tournament. They battled it out until 118 players remained. Among the leaders going into the second day are entertaining Dutchman Marcel Luske, World Champ Scotty Nguyen, and Mike ‘The Mouth’ Matusow.

Can Matusow save himself from his usual blowups and win his third bracelet? Can Johnny Chan equal Hellmuth’s record? Find out here tomorrow.

WSOP – Day 15

Day 15 was another relatively quiet one at the World Series, with just two final tables being played out and a couple of continuing or new events.

First, in the $5000 No Limit Hold’em, it was quite a star-studded final table. Karga Holt started as chipleader, and Britain’s best hope in the event, Stuart Fox, entered the bracelet race fourth in chips (the other Brit to make it high up in the standings, Ross Boatman, was eliminated in tenth).

Bracelet winner Maciek Gracz was first to go, running his pocket nines into James Mackey’s pocket queens. Next, Stuart Fox eliminated Tex Barch (who made the main event final table in 2005) and European Jan Sorensen was busted by Michael Binger (who made the main event final table in 2006) when Sorensen’s aces refused to hold up against Binger’s tens.

Mackey then eliminated WPT winner Nick Schulman, extending his lead. Karga Holt, who had been apparently card dead for the whole final table, made a move with a weak hand and ran into Michael Binger’s big pair. Holt was eliminated in fifth.

We went from four players to one extremely quickly. First, William McMahon was eliminated after big stack Mackey called him with a marginal hand and sucked out. Then, Mackey eliminated Michael Binger, winning a coinflip holding A-Q against Binger’s pocket tens. Finally, Brit Stuart Fox’s hopes of a bracelet were dashed, after Mackey again sucked out, this time holding 10-2 against Fox’s K-4.

Mackey, who is a 21 year old ginger internet player (credentials sure to earn him respect among his peers), was crowned the champion of the event and took the bracelet and $730,740 to his native Missouri.

In the $1500 Pot Limit Omaha, just 23 players returned for another quick finale. Johnny Chan, who was shooting for his record-tying eleventh bracelet , was one of the early eliminations after he moved in on a complete bluff. Scott Clements, 2006 bracelet winner and the chip leader going into today, flopped the nut straight plus redraws in a massive three way pot, and was able to eliminate two players at once going into the final table.

Irishman Andy Black, who is having a frustrating series of near-misses so far, extended that record by busting out next, in seventh place. At this point, Clements had the biggest chip stack by far and it was only a matter of time before he won the event. He busted the fourth, third and second place finishers in just six hands. Eric ‘Rizen’ Lynch finished second to Clements, who took the bracelet and $194,206 for his efforts.

The $3000 Stud Eight or Better event, continuing from yesterday, saw the field pared down to the final table. The slow pace of play combined with a relatively fast structure was a source of frustration for many players, but it didn’t stop a tough looking final eight being assembled. Leading the pack is high-stakes professional Eli Elezra, who is followed by Scotty Nguyen, David Sklansky, Dutch Boyd and Thor Hansen among others. With such a star-studded and talented table, it’s a shame that the event won’t be broadcast along with the myriad of No Limit Hold’em final tables being shown on the internet and ESPN this year.

Two new events started up today. The first was the $5000 HORSE event, which saw less than half the field eliminated before play stopped at 2am. ‘Outgoing’ Sam Grizzle leads the pack into day 2, ahead of Toto Leonidas, Daniel Alaei, and 2007 bracelet winner Chris Reslock. Also still in the field is Inside Poker columnist Marc Goodwin.

The second event was the more popular $2000 No Limit Hold’em, which saw many Europeans enter. Ross Boatman, coming off a tenth place finish in the $5000 No Limit Hold’em event, is high in the standings – sitting rather ironically in tenth position. Praz Bansi is also up there, with just over 72,000 in chips, as is poker writer Rolf Slotboom, with 41,000. 1619 entrants were whittled down to 130 remaining players, who will return tomorrow to battle it out for the final table positions.

That’s it from me for this World Series. I’m leaving you in the capable hands of our editor Alun Bowden, who’ll keep you up to date with the bustouts, blowups, and bracelets in the next few weeks. I’m playing one more event before returning home to Edinburgh, where there are no public cash games, no well-structured tournaments, no 24 hour Subway restaurants and no players club comps . I’m going to miss it here in Vegas!

You Can Take The Man Out of Scotland...

2007-09-13T21:58:00.002+01:00

Well, it's official. I'm leaving Edinburgh in a few weeks.

I've been working for PokerStars for a year and a half now. I started off in support as a Poker Specialist, dealing with players' queries and handling reports of potential collusion. After about a year, I took on additional responsibilities in game security, joining the bot-hunting team and working on our prohibited programs policy. Last week, I was promoted to Poker Room Analyst, which is a position involving half poker room management and half game security. The upside? The money and benefits are amazing, and I'll be working in a challenging new role alongside some of the best people in the industry. The downside? The job is at our head office in the Isle of Man.

I visited the island a couple of weeks ago, for an interview, to see the office, and to look around the island and get a feel for the place. Apart from the extraordinarily racist taxi drivers, it seems like a nice place. I stayed in a hotel in Douglas which looked out over the bay and the promenade, which was seething with motorbikes there for the Grand Prix. The whole place was rather quaint - it reminded me of old English seaside towns like Eastbourne and Weymouth. But Douglas is changing quickly, and it's going to be an exciting place to live in the next few years. The hotels on the seafront are gradually making way for luxury apartments. People are moving to the island to work in the gaming and financial industries (the island is also home to Microgaming and NETeller), and the towns are becoming more ethnically diverse. There's some resentment from locals who have lived on Mann for decades, but change is inevitable and it's often better to go with the flow than to fight it.

It's going to be a busy few weeks, but I can't help but reflect about my time in Edinburgh at every possible opportunity. What will I miss and what won't I?

Well, first of all, here's some things I won't miss:

Casual Racism: Scotland will be a much nicer place when people stop referring to corner shops as 'paki shops' and Chinese takeaways as 'chinkies'. Scotland is much less ethnically diverse than England and is way behind when it comes to educating it's population about racial issues.

Sporting Jealousy: Many Scottish people complain about the bias shown by the media towards English teams, and complain of arrogance from English supporters. But the media isn't biased. Just 10% of British TV viewers are Scottish - and TV is all about ratings. For example, if you had a choice whether to broadcast the Scotland game or the England game, but you knew that 90% of your viewers wanted to watch England - what would you broadcast? And where would you target the majority of your news coverage?

There's no reason for Scottish fans to necessarily support England, but actively rooting for the opposing team (which is very common) is just immature.

Unrequited Love: In third year of university I met a wonderful woman, who was kind, thoughtful, caring (and fucking hot) and through plain idiocy and egotism I let her get away. Ever since the thought that she is nearby has haunted me, and I don't think I've ever really got over her. Perhaps moving away will help bring closure.

Neds: In Isle of Man, Neds / Chavs / Townies / Scoundrels / Scallywags / Hoodies / 'Intimidating Youths' just don't exist. Or at least, I didn't see a single one while I was there.

What will I miss?

The View: In Edinburgh, you can look out of your window and see a castle, a mountain, and one of the city's twenty-odd Starbucks, all without turning your head. It's a truly beautiful city.

The Accent: A mild Scottish accent is one of the greatest accents in the world. It can make an average woman stunningly attractive, and a typical man ten times more suave. Look what it did for Sean Connery.

Things to Do: Edinburgh, being the capital, has something for everyone. Whether you want to go to an upmarket restaurant or get absolutely wasted in a nightclub full of morons, you'll find somewhere to your liking in Edinburgh. I'm not sure Mann is the same, although we will see!

Friends: Most of my mates live here. Who am I going to play poker with in the Isle of Man? Who is going to answer the sports questions in pub quizzes? I'm at a loss.

At the moment, I'm sort of stuck in a rut with life. I feel like I've really succeeded career-wise in the past year, but right now most days are the same - I work, eat, and sleep. I don't get many opportunities to meet interesting new people or even play much poker. I'm hoping that moving to Isle of Man will give me a kick up the arse, and give me the motivation I need to work out a few of the kinks in the way I live my life. I'm looking forward to meeting new people and facing new challenges.

Bring it on!

What Happens In Vegas...

2007-06-27T20:49:00.000+01:00

I just got back from another trip to Las Vegas. Earlier in the year I'd been lucky enough to win my way into a World Series of Poker preliminary event, and I had been planning on playing anyway. To make things even better, Inside Poker asked me to cover the preliminary stages of the WSOP for their website, and contributed money to my expenses. Essentially, the hotel and flights were covered by the magazine, and I'd already won $5000 towards preliminary events. It was going to be a good trip.

I went with an old friend and PokerStars colleague - we met in London and caught the same flight to Vegas. I managed to lose points at Chinese Poker when we played for practice, but win as soon as we started playing for money. Immigration at Las Vegas was much less painful than at Los Angeles, and we were through the airport and out into the blistering 42 degree heat relatively quickly.

We stayed at Harrahs, which is right across the road from where we stayed last time, at the Mirage. It's a bit of a step down, but it was cheap and right in the middle of the strip. Plus, Harrahs ran a free shuttle to the Rio, which would be handy for my frequent trips there.

I had planned to play much bigger this time, but as before decided to start off small due to jetlag. One of the first games we played set the tone for the entire trip. I bought into a $2/$5 No Limit game at the Venetian for $1000, and on the first hand won a small when I flopped a set. On the flop I led into the field for $50, the preflop raiser raised to $200, everyone folded and I set him in for less than $200 more, thinking that he'd be sure to call if he held anything, feeling he was pot committed. However he actually folded his pocket aces face up - so I wondered whether I'd just played it badly or whether I'd given something away through my actions.

Thankfully, the table wasn't entirely populated with overpair folders, but I never quite caught a break. In the first big hand, I was all-in for about $600 against a very loose-aggressive player, holding the 6♦ 7♦ on a 6♠ 8♦ 10♦ board, against his pocket jacks. I missed every out and mucked my hand quietly.

About an hour later, I somehow managed to get all-in for over $1000 on a flop of 10♣ 9♣ 8♦, holding the 10♠ 8♠. My opponent called so quickly that I thought I was losing, but when he triumphantly tabled his A♦ A♥, I had a brief moment of hope. Brief, because the turn and river came K♦ K♥, giving him a bigger two pair and the win. He jumped out of his chair, screamed 'Yes', and then inexplicably claimed 'I thought he might have had a set'. Nice call then, mate.

That wasn't the stupidest thing I heard though. During another session at the Venetian, I managed to get all-in preflop against the least fun player at the table, holding aces against his kings. A king on the turn sealed my fate and as I went to the restroom to calm myself, the old guy said 'I knew he had aces.'. Apparently he had called because he felt kings were running hot (he had caught the case king when all-in with trips against a girl's full house earlier in the night). Losing when all-in preflop with aces isn't fun, but doing it against a mardy old man is even worse.

A typical old man

My friend Stuart wasn't so lucky either. He ran a set into a bigger set on more than one occasion. At the Wynn, a big hand came up in his $1/$3 game. A very masculine-looking woman with a huge nose and extremely long fingers had raised preflop, he flopped a set and she instacalled his all-in bet, her tentacle-like hands exposing an overpair of kings. The turn and river were both kings giving her quads. She apologised with all the sincerity of a drunk politician and left the table before he could win it back.

One of the things I'd been asked to do while in Las Vegas was following the WSOP progress of David Williams, a young professional poker player most famous for his second place finish to Greg Raymer in the 2004 main event. I was to interview him a couple of times, and get his opinion on all things poker. I was looking forward to it - David is round about my age, and I thought we would get on fairly well.

David Williams

The first interview took place at his apartment, high in one of the fashionable new high-rise buildings overlooking the strip, where David was playing Chinese Poker for $500 a point with Michael Mizrachi and Nenad Medic. I was introduced to him and we tried to shake hands - I extended my hand in the traditional fashion, while he held his hand out sideways for a cool, modern handshake, resulting in an embarrassing clash of fingers. I asked him a few questions about his plans for the WSOP, and it didn't take long to realise that he lived in a world very different from my own.

'Pure want to host my birthday party, and invite celebrities and stuff', he was saying. Pure is one of the hottest nightclubs in Vegas (I don't get why - the music is shite and it's full of morons, but hey) and he was brushing it off as if it were nothing unusual. 'I just had the stripper pole installed this morning' he said, pointing to a podium in the corner of his living room where a floor-to-ceiling pole had been, if you pardon the pun, erected. 'Lindsay Lohan invited me to her birthday party' came next. I jokingly tried to pretend I didn't know who Lindsay Lohan was, but it went straight over the head of everyone there.

It didn't take me long to realise that despite our similarities, David and I had nothing in common. I wondered if David found it hard to make friends in the 'real world' - it seemed that everyone he hung around with (Mizrachi, Medic, Evelyn Ng, Noah Boeken etc) was involved in high stakes poker too. I wondered if, after all the novelty of celebrity wore off, he found it hard to keep relationships going with women he met. I thought of the lyrics to 'Change', by mind.in.a.box:

I am the one who has no real friends,
Shallow people flocking to my banner
Always trying to make easy amends
Cherishing my own overbearing manner

Life always fragile
I will never change
Love always fleeting
I will never change

Change by mind.in.a.box

The Rio is a very strange place during the WSOP. On my first visit, I felt like I was seeing something awesome. After all, if you're a poker player, particularly one like me who is used to crappy British cardrooms, walking into a room which has 200 poker tables in it, each with 10 people sat at them, is a startling experience. However, it quickly dawned on me that the WSOP wasn't quite what I expected.

The World Series of Poker isn't a small, informal affair run as a labour of love anymore. It's a huge event, and it's never been so commercial. There are sponsors for everything, from the cards to the drinks to the surveillance cameras. The whole of the Rio Pavilion seems generic and sterile - it doesn't have any of the character of a traditional casino like Binions. What used to be a top restaurant has now become a cheap buffet - pasteurised, inoffensive, classless.

Of course, when an event grows this big you have to make compromises. Surely then, if the atmosphere has suffered, you can at least expect a world class poker game? After all, this is the World Series of Poker.

Well, no. Some of the dealers and floorpeople at the Rio were very inexperienced, and often weren't properly versed in the rules. Consequently, there were dealers arriving at my Razz cash game who didn't know that the high card brought it in. Decisions made by floorpeople would vary depending on who was making the decision and how loud the players at the table shouted.

Cash games and satellites were run from a makeshift list system on a whiteboard at the back of the room, with the brush shouting players names over the PA system and dealers screaming open seats halfway across the room. The whole room was chaotic for every second of every single day, and it was grating. I didn't enjoy spending time at the Rio, except for one cash game session during which a pretty, friendly girl sat directly opposite me.

The first event I played was the $1500 Limit Hold'em. I was drawn on a table with only one person I recognised, CardPlayer columnist Roy Cooke (who plays high stakes Limit Hold'em regularly and has written extensively about the game). I had been reading his articles for several years but chose not to tell him that. Two other players at the table complimented him on his writing, so I knew pretty quickly that they were knowledgeable players also. The table broke pretty quickly and I don't remember much, except Cooke giving me a truly 'if looks could kill' type stare when I three-bet him from the button preflop, holding A-Ks.

Roy Cooke

My next table was poker heaven. To my right were a few fun young players, including (I think) Justin Bonomo, who was short-stacked. A couple of seats to my left was the World's Worst Poker Player™, whose strategy for every single hand was:

1. Limp
2. Call
3. Repeat as needed

I saw people successfully value-bet queen-high on the river against this player. Ironically, he went on a tear and because of his image was able to get paid off on his big hands. At one point, he was chip leader in the entire event. I had a couple of key hands against him - in the first I value bet a flopped middle pair, no kicker all the way to the river, fully expecting to take the pot at the showdown. However, Limpy McCall had flopped top pair (with a deuce kicker!) and smiled happily as he collected my chips.

In the second hand, I three bet the initial raiser preflop with two black kings and he cold-called from the small blind. The flop was 10-9-x with two spades, and I bet and was called by Limpy McCall and the preflop raiser. The turn was a seven of spades, and all of a sudden Limpy turned into Checky McRaise. I decided that a) my hand was quite possibly good and b) I was getting the correct odds to draw to my flush even if it wasn't, so I called. The preflop raiser folded after some thought and the river was a blank. Mr. Flat Call checked, I checked, and he proudly showed 9-7 offsuit for two pair. Rigged.

After that hand, I went pretty card dead, which equals death in a limit tournament. I went hours without being able to flop a pair, and was eventually eliminated holding K-Q suited against my opponent's J-10.

A few days later, we met up with some old acquaintances that we knew from our university poker days, who were rather spookily also called Alex and Stewart. I also met InsidePoker's editor for the first time, who took over covering the World Series after a couple of weeks.

In a moment of genius, somebody suggesting going to a 'Gentleman's Club'. For a brief second I was imagining sitting in a big leather chair and reading the newspaper with a cigar in one hand and a cognac in the other, before I realised they meant a strip club.

We made the conservative decision to go to Spearmint Rhino rather than one of the less well-known names. I'm sure strip club purists would have been appalled, but I didn't want to take the chance of ending up in some dinge hole, being robbed of my wallet and watch by an old, fat dancer. On the plus side, there was a free shuttle service from the hotel and the entry fee was a mere $30...

I have been to strip clubs in Edinburgh before and didn't really enjoy the experience. The clubs are dingy and bad value for money, and you're hassled almost constantly by dancers who aren't as pretty as they should be. Spearmint Rhino was different. The place was clean and comfortable, and the music was really good - the best I'd heard in Las Vegas. Men and Women alike were there enjoying the experience and having fun. Once we'd found a table, waitresses brought drinks to us all night, and some of the women were stunning, even when compared to normal people.

What's more, lap dances in America are much more of a 'full contact' experience. I was somewhat shocked when I was approached by the first dancer of the night, who straddled me, then took my hand and placed it square on her arse - all before saying 'hello'. It didn't take me long to get the hang of things, and before long I was groping like a champ.

After the first girl had removed her hand from my crotch and walked off with my $20, I realised that not only was it the first time I'd had a lap dance from a black woman, it was the first time I'd made physical contact with a black woman. That's living in Scotland for you - it's hardly the most multicultural of places. In fact racism in Scotland is surprisingly and disappointingly rife. Nonetheless, I made a mental note that it would not be the last time.

'Do you know what they say about Asian girls?', said the next dancer, an oriental girl who was too skinny for my tastes. 'No', I mumbled. 'They say our pussies run crossways!' was her reply. I pretended that I didn't know she'd stolen that line from Hannibal Rising, although to be perfectly honest it would have been hard to say something witty and eloquent with her nipple in my mouth.

Later on we had moved to a different part of the club that was much darker and I was having yet another dance after somebody had explained that I was playing the World Series the next day. 'Black girls are lucky', said the dancer, who I hadn't realised was black, it was so dark. I made sure that as much of her 'luck' rubbed off on me as possible, after all I would need it.

Spearmint Rhino

After I had caressed as much pert ass as I could handle and my bell end had been rubbed red raw, we left the club at 7am. Some in the group had made several trips to the ATM and one person spent in excess of $700 on drinks and dances. Being a Yorkshireman with Scottish blood, I had of course spent much less money and got much better value for it than anybody else, although my wallet was definitely lighter than it was earlier that day.

Later that day at 5pm, I sat down for the $1500 Razz event. I was extremely confident going in - Razz is probably my best game, technically. I was happy to be sat at a table which had no big names at it - the most famous player there was Jen Creason (founder of PokerWire and Andy Bloch's fiancée), who wasn't really concentrating and was too passive in any case, and apart from her there was perhaps one other strong player at the table. While in the Limit Hold'em event I was never going to be one of the best players at the table, at this Razz table I was the best by a clear margin.

Also at the table was the winner of InsidePoker's Razz qualifier, who looked like Hoyt Corkins but sounded like Boy George. While he seemed like a pleasant enough fellow, he was quickly identified as the weakest player at the table by pretty much everyone, and I won a fairly large pot off him early on. By the first break I was the table chip leader, with just over 4000 in chips.

However, it was all downhill from there. In a big pot against Creason, we both had almost identical boards on sixth street. On the river, she improved while I didn't, and all of a sudden I was short.

Meanwhile Boy Corkins was accumulating a lot of chips. People were getting involved with him holding all kinds of weak hands, in the hopes that they could outplay him on later streets. However, he kept catching good and they kept paying him off. He dealt me the final blow holding 10-7-2 against my 8-4-2 (with two fours and two deuces gone), all-in on third street. I caught 8-8-8-K giving me a pair as my low hand! A thoroughly frustrating experience.

With all said and done though, although I wasn't successful in either event, I didn't feel outclassed - even in the Limit Hold'em, which is not my strongest game by any means. I certainly feel that if I work on my game over the next year and keep improving, I'll have a good chance to make some noise at the 2008 World Series.

I can't wait to go back.

King Fore!

2007-05-14T22:16:00.000+01:00

There's recently been a lot of fuss over a certain game of golf between two well-known poker players - Britain's Ram Vaswani and the USA's Phil Ivey. For weeks this was one of the most heavily debated topics on internet poker forums. Even Daniel Negreanu took time out of namedropping in his blog to voice his opinion.

I am not a golfer, despite my Granddad's best efforts to turn me into one when I was younger. I'm something of a blunt instrument at ball games - I can hit a ball quite far, but when it comes to hitting it in the right direction I'm useless (that also applies to football and pool). So I'll have to explain what happened in non-golfer terms.

Actually, let me turn you over to Victoria Coren, who put it better than anyone (I wish women like Vicky existed in real life and not just on TV and on the internet):

'Phil said he hadn't been playing, when in fact he'd been playing a lot and got much better and could now make the ball go in the hole after hitting it a lot less times than he did before. So they played for a couple of days and he won loads of money.'

Victoria Coren, a true gem in the coalface of British Poker

As a result of all this, Ram refused to pay up, feeling that he'd been deceived by Phil. Phil argued that he'd not lied about his handicap at all.

Personally, I don't understand the problem. After all, surely betting on golf is all about misrepresenting your skill level, and hustling your opponents out of their cash that way? Imagine if loveable rogue Amarillo Slim had made the bet. Would there be so much fuss?

Apparently, yes. I've been reliably informed by golf playing friends that lying about your handicap is a serious breach of golf etiquette. So the question really is whether Phil had lied or not.

I realise the irony considering I am about to discuss this on the internet, but I think it's a shame that this was made public. I don't understand the celebrity culture that is invading the poker world at the moment. What's next - a poker version of Heat magazine? I can just imagine the pictures - Lucy Rokach getting clumsily out of a limousine, Doyle Brunson's beach pictures, how to dress like Barry Greenstein, Rhowena Colclough shows off her new boyfriend.

Quite frankly, I am not qualified to make a judgement about Phil Ivey or Ram Vaswani. I don't know either of them - I've not even spoken to them. But literally hundreds of people on the internet forums, who are in the same position of ignorance as me, have called into question the character of both players. It's absolutely sickening.

I don't care who is right and who is wrong. Like many arguments, it's probably a question of perception, and both players may well be telling the truth as to their take on the situation. It's absolutely none of my business anyway - it's a private matter between Phil and Ram that they should have been allowed to settle behind closed doors - and it's none of your business either.

Poker and Martial Arts

2007-05-12T23:07:00.001+01:00

I'm a blue belt in Wado-Ryu Karate, and I've thought often about the similarities between Poker and Martial Arts.

Four typical Karate Students

A wise martial artist once said that the most dangerous belt to be was blue belt. At that stage in your career, you knew just enough to get yourself into trouble, and not enough to get out.

I think that also applies to poker. A lot of people learn just a little bit about the game, and think they know everything. Then, they get themselves into trouble by taking on tough opponents or playing higher stakes than they can afford. Before they know it, they're broke.

You see these people a lot - whining about a 'bad beat' they took that cost them a huge pot, or complaining that they never pick up a hand. But most of the time, if you really listen to what they say, you'll find that there is a flaw in their understanding of the game, and that's what's costing them money.

If you are one of these players - take time to evaluate yourself before you complain. You might just be a blue belt playing in a black belt game.

Another wise martial artist once said 'It's like a finger pointing to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger, or you'll miss all the heavenly glory' (that person is Bruce Lee, in Enter the Dragon, by the way).

I believe that advice is good for beginners, who tend to focus on their own cards while paying little or no attention to the game itself or the other players at the table. In some situations, your own cards are definitely the most important thing. For example, if it's the end stages of a turbo SNG, you're in all-in or fold mode, and it makes very little difference what you think your opponent might have. You're just waiting for a reasonable hand to stick in all your chips with.

However, in a more typical game of poker, what you think your opponent has, and what he thinks you have, are much more important than your actual holding. Reading hands is the real key to winning at poker against tough opposition, and if you can master it you'll be rewarded beyond your wildest dreams.

Some say that in poker, it's best to be a tight, aggressive player. That means you don't play many hands, but when you do, you play them hard.

Some styles of martial arts are the same. You wait patiently for an opening - for your opponent to drop his guard or make a mistake - then you strike with all your force, taking maximum advantage of your opponent's mistakes.

However, some would argue that a loose, aggressive style is better in many situations. Indeed, in martial arts a fighter who comes out with his arms swinging wildly will sometimes score a huge knockout very quickly, and fighters who are tight - waiting for that perfect opportunity to strike - may find themselves unconscious before that opportunity arises. Other times, the loose aggressive fighter may slip up early, and lose quickly to a patient, skilled opponent.

The truth is that in poker and martial arts, it's best to have no fixed style - to be like water, flowing from one style to the next, adapting to your opponent's strengths and weaknesses. There are times to be loose, times to be tight, times to be aggressive, and times to be passive. Recognising when to apply each style is the hallmark of a top player, and what separates the 'lucky' from the 'unlucky'.

In Defence of Rock's Good Name

2007-05-12T22:50:00.000+01:00

My taste in music is the strangest thing about me. In my music collection I have Reggae, Lounge, Electronica, Indie, Rock, Metal, Bhangra, Classical, Opera - and when you walk into my flat, you never know what you're going to hear. However, if you were a betting man (or woman*), you would say metal.

I recently got into a 'discussion' with friends about metal after I shared a death metal version of Britney Spears' Hit Me Baby One More Time** with them.

There are some real misconceptions about metal, and here are some of them:

'It's Just Noise'

No it's not, but it is intense, and often there's a lot going on at once. It takes a somewhat educated ear to appreciate some types of metal, just as it would with extreme forms of any music.

Take Radiohead for example. Their later material is quite experimental in nature, and there's no way it would have sold well if it weren't for their earlier success. Radiohead fans 'learned' to appreciate their more progressive tracks. I think it's unlikely that anybody who had been living in a Chinese Room their whole life would like it on the first listen.

The same is true of metal. Nobody just falls in love with Napalm Death or Deicide on the first listen. They start with more accessible metal, and as they become accustomed to it they move on to heavier stuff. It's a bit like a drug I suppose - you look for harder material, a more extreme hit.

Music that you discover this way and that is constantly revealing more and more complexity and detail has much more longevity. Very few metal bands are one-hit wonders.

'There's No Skill In It'

Oh yes there is. Some of the most skilful musicians in the world are in rock or metal bands. Take Joe Satriani, John Petrucci, Tony Iommi, Geddy Lee, John Myung, Steve Vai, Jeff Waters, Flea, and Kirk Hammett for instance. These guys are so good that they release instructional videos - something that dull, watered-down, produced-in-a-garage bands like the Arctic Chefs or the Kaiser Monkeys will never do.

Playing metal music takes a lot of technical ability and stamina, as anybody who plays guitar, bass or drums knows. A lot of metal is based on traditional scales, jazz and blues - that was Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath's influence on the genre.

'They all sound like they're being sung by the cookie monster'

Amusingly enough, the heavy vocals in metal are really called 'Cookie Monster Vocals'.

In metal, the tune is usually carried by the guitars and bass. It's best to think of the cookie monster vocals in metal as a percussion instrument, limited in dynamic range just like a drum would be. It takes a certain amount of talent to do heavy vocals well - perhaps not as much as it would to sing opera, but still talent.

Which brings me onto my next point - not all metal music has that type of singing. Some metal bands have classical or opera singers as lead vocalists, like Nightwish, Evanescence, and Within Temptation. Some have rappers (Hed Planet Earth, Rage Against the Machine, One Minute Silence). Some have reggae toasters (Skindred). Some scream (Dimmu Borgir, Cradle of Filth, Enslaved), some grunt (Deicide, Obituary, Cannibal Corpse), some shout (Clawfinger, Biohazard, Hatebreed) and some sing in a mainstream style (Life of Agony, Audioslave, Nickelback, Dream Theater, Rush, and so on).

Metal music is more widely varied than any other genre on earth. There is Black Metal, Classic Metal, Death Metal, Doom Metal, Extreme Metal, Flamenco Metal, Funk Metal, Gothic Metal, Grindcore Metal, Hardcore Metal, Heavy Metal, Industrial Metal, Mathcore Metal, Nu Metal, Power Metal, Progressive Metal, Progressive Death Metal, Punk Metal, Rap Metal, Reggae Metal, Speed Metal, Stoner Metal, Thrash Metal, Viking Metal, Wank Metal and Zombie Metal.

There are even metal bands who play cellos instead of guitars, for Christ's sake! I very much doubt that there is another genre on earth that is so rich and varied.

Music taste is a very personal thing, and some people just aren't ever going to like metal music. But liking rock and metal doesn't mean you have 'bad taste'. Perhaps it's the other way round!

*Not that women ever come to my flat these days.
** I don't actually like this song, but I do like death metal.

Politics

2007-05-02T23:14:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow is the elections for the Scottish parliament, and I've been considering who to vote for. Until recently, I've been a Lib Dem voter. Years ago, I was watching a politics show on TV in which Charles Kennedy was being interviewed. He kept a cool head and gave some common sense answers to the questions he was being asked, and I found that his opinions coincided with mine much more often than anyone else's. So I voted for him.

However in the last few weeks, we've been getting propaganda through the letterbox every day from the various parties, and it's put me off somewhat. The Lib Dems have sunk to quite a low, and their approach is actually a bit offensive, treating the voter like an idiot.

First was propaganda disguised as a newspaper, the 'Edinburgh Central News'. The main focus is on the election being 'too close to call' between Labour and the Lib Dems. There are pictures of both candidates - with the Lib Dem candidate Siobhan Mathers looking proud, happy and noble. It's a head and shoulders pic because in real life, she has a big fat arse. The picture of the Labour candidate (who is captioned 'Tony Blair's Labour Choice', and not by name) is a low quality picture of her between expressions, looking like a fool, inset by a picture of Tony Blair. It's a really cheap trick.

Below this is a graph, showing the results of the 2003 election. Labour and Lib Dems are shown as being much higher than the competing parties, with only a small gap between them - all this despite the difference being 9%. Conversely the gap between Lib Dem and SNP is shown as very large, even though the difference of 5% is significantly lower. There are more examples of this throughout the paper - it's propaganda at it's most condescending.

The Liberal Democrats are also in my bad books for wanting to increase income tax. I already pay over £1000 each month in income tax, national insurance, and council tax, and quite frankly I resent it. I find it hard to support a party who is going to take more money from me, without giving me real input into where it is spent.

So who can I vote for? The Conservatives are out of the question obviously, as are the BNP (racist fools), Socialists (hippies), UKIP (wants to withdraw from Europe), Christian Party (I'm agnostic) and the Witchery Tour Party (wants to appear at Holyrood with a white face, wearing a cloak). That leaves the Greens, Labour, Lib Dems, and the SNP.

The Greens are just too unlikely to make a difference, even though I agree with some of their ideas. They may get second or third preference though as it would be good to have some representation from the party, and under the new voting system this isn't insignificant.

Labour are the party that helped send thousands of people to Iraq and Afghanistan to kill and to die. Apart from that, I don't think Labour have been a particularly bad government. They introduced the Gambling Commission, which has its flaws but is at least on the right track. They legalised hardcore porn, they banned smoking in public places (in Scotland, at least), and they haven't really screwed up to a huge degree except with the Middle East. That's a big exception though. I don't think I could vote for a party that supported the war.

The Lib Dems have pissed me off with their propaganda and income tax plans but I still agree with many of their ideas. They've set unachieveable targets on green issues, like 75% recycling and 100% of Scotland's energy coming from renewable sources. Any progress in those areas must be good, but these are just promises they can't keep.

I think the SNP is getting my vote. They want to scrap council tax (hallelujah!), plans for ID cards, student loans and prescription charges. While I think of myself as British rather than Scottish or English (I am half of each), I don't think a local government focused entirely on Scottish concerns would be a bad thing, and I do think that giving Scots the opportunity to vote for further devolution is a good thing. I've made my mind up. I'm putting my X in the yellow box.

The Las Vegas Poker Awards

2007-04-19T22:39:00.000+01:00

While in Las Vegas I played poker in most if not all of the major cardrooms. I thought it'd be fun to come up with some awards for the best and worst of Las Vegas poker. So here are the awards:

Best Overall Cardroom: MGM Grand

The MGM was my favourite cardroom out of everywhere that I played - I had more fun and made more money there than at any other room. The staff are friendly and helpful. They have a sophisticated computer system, which greatly speeds up seating players, has the facility for calling waitresses and floorpeople to the table, and even tells the dealer the name of each player at the table. The games are fast and the dealers competent. The poker room is situated in an ideal area of the casino with high traffic but away from the slots. Best of all, there is lots of loose action at all the limits. The MGM is an upmarket hotel and it's guests seem to have money to throw away. Lastly, the MGM makes use of the MGM Mirage comp card which is also good at the Mirage, Treasure Island, Bellagio, and New York New York.

The only real downside to the MGM is that it's tough to get a game larger than $5/$10 No Limit. If you're a high stakes player, this isn't your room.

Honorable mentions here go to the Venetian, Wynn and Caesars Palace, all of which are excellent rooms. However, the games at these rooms are noticeably tougher than at the MGM, so they can't possibly win this award.

Nicest Chips: Binions

Binions' tournament chips were new, clean, heavy, and easily distinguishable from each other. Excellent. I didn't play with a nicer chip anywhere in Vegas.

Ugliest Cocktail Waitresses: Excalibur

Excalibur is a clear winner here. Whatever the opposite of a MILF is, that's what Excalibur hires. I swear, they should not make skimpy uniforms in a Size 20.

Hottest Cocktail Waitresses: The Venetian

The waitresses at the Venetian have to be seen to be believed. Their uniform is essentially an embellished swimsuit. Remember when you were at school and you used to try to look up girls' skirts? These uniforms turn you into that dribbling schoolboy. Honorable mention to the Wynn, who look like they hire the girls that weren't quite pretty enough to be models, and train them to carry trays.

Rudest Staff: Bellagio

Bellagio's staff were the rudest in Las Vegas - that goes for floorpeople and dealers alike. There is just no excuse for impatience and rudeness in a dealer, nor is there any reason for a floorperson to be abrupt and ignorant. Bellagio treats you like shit unless you're playing in Bobby's Room.

Toughest Game: Bellagio

Another reason not to play at Bellagio is because the games are probably the toughest on the Strip. You'll find pretty competent players and extremely tight play, even at the low limits. If you're in a ten-handed low limit game and find yourself repeatedly chopping the blinds, you should move on.

Weakest Game: Excalibur

Excalibur was the dingiest room I played in, but the game was possibly the softest live game I've ever played. There was a player to my right who actually had a 'ranking of hands' cheat sheet, and was referring to it frequently. The other players were of a similar standard, calling large river bets with queen high and so on. The game was so much fun I could have played for days.

Strangest Blind Structure: Luxor

Luxor's only regular No Limit game is $1/$1/$2 - that's right, three blinds. What's more, the buy-in for the game is $50, no more, no less. You can add on another $50 if you drop to $49 or less, so the most you can have on the table without having won a hand is $99 - in a game where you're posting $4 in blind money each round.

The game quickly degenerates into a preflop all-in fest with very little skill involved. If you want to play this kind of poker, you're better off staying home and loading up a low limit turbo SNG on the internet.

Best Dealers: Monte Carlo

The dealers at Bellagio are the most skilled, but many of them have been dealing for so long that it's just a chore to them. To quote one dealer, 'After seven million hands, this aint exciting'. Monte Carlo wins here because it had dealers that seemed to enjoy dealing, and were also quick, efficient, and knowledgeable of the rules. I didn't see this combination of both enthusiasm and skill anywhere else.

Worst Dealers: Excalibur

The Excalibur seems to hire dealers that are on death's door. They are slow, not very knowledgeable, and don't seem very interested. One dealer at Excalibur was even rude enough to prompt a player for a toke after a hand.

Honorable mention here to the Luxor who had at least one dealer with an attitude problem.

Most Likely Place to Have Celebrities Playing: Mandalay Bay

Zach Braff and Donald Faison (JD and Turk from Scrubs) stopped by the poker room here. If you want to see poker celebrities, then Bellagio is obviously the place, as it has all the biggest games.

Poker Room That Looked So Bad We Didn't Bother Playing: Plaza

This room looked really bad. It was full of locals, the cards, chips and tables were all poor quality, and there wasn't a waiting list to be seen. No thanks!

Best Orange Juice: Bellagio

The Orange Juice at Bellagio was like nectar from the gods, once it arrived (about half an hour after I ordered it).

Most Underrated Room: The Mirage

The Mirage is a well-run, fairly large room that runs a fairly wide variety of games. The dealers are good, the drinks service is good, and the competition can be pretty weak if you find the right table. The Mirage isn't highly rated by many, but it's a good room.

That's it for now. If you have suggestions for further awards, let me know and I'll expand this list.

Viva Las Vegas

2007-04-19T22:08:00.000+01:00

On April 1st, I got up early, had a shower, and then looked for any music in my collection with the words 'Las Vegas' in the title, to put me in the mood for the journey ahead. There aren't many. Elvis' Viva Las Vegas sprung to mind, but I didn't have it. Tony Christie's Las Vegas came up, which doesn't exactly paint a nice picture of the town, with it's chorus 'Hey Las Vegas, can nothing save us from you?' and lyrics like 'The Lord above made the world for us, but the Devil made Las Vegas'. I settled for Sweet Home Alabama by the fantastically mincepronounceable Lynyrd Skynyrd.

We were flying a bit of a strange route due to cost considerations - from Edinburgh to London, then to Los Angeles on the west coast of the USA, and finally to Vegas itself. We'd actually fly directly over Nevada on the way to LA, a frustrating experience after ten hours on the plane. I can't tell you much I wish we'd chosen a direct flight, even for the few hundred extra quid. Serves me right for being a Yorkshire-born Scotsman - I have skinflint in my blood.

After a horrendously long flight that was made only slightly enjoyable by winning $9 in my first ever real money game of Chinese Poker, we arrived in Los Angeles. Flying over LA at night is a strange experience. It all looks exactly the same - just row after row of lights, all uniform and uninteresting, stretching out as far as the eye can see. It's a bit like flying over the Death Star - I half expected a turbolaser blast to scream past the window.

Los Angeles

Just getting into Los Angeles airport was a nightmare. We had to queue for almost an hour at immigration, after walking what felt like a mile from the stand to the terminal building. We were fingerprinted, questioned ('Were you ever affiliated with the government of Nazi Germany?'), and so on, then we were finally allowed to pick up our baggage. The stupidly long wait, combined with the delay of our inbound flight, meant that we missed the flight to Vegas and were stuck in LA. LA airport is a truly horrible place - inside, it's incredibly busy and unwelcoming, but take a step outside, and the stench of the filthy, smog-filled air hits you hard in the face.

British Airways put us up in the airport hotel and made arrangements for a flight the next morning. However, when we arrived at the check-in desk, we were told that although we had reservations for the flight, we didn't have tickets. After a lot of confusion and a futile search for British Airways staff in the international terminal, we paid for tickets. We then went through a stupidly invasive security search. First, we were made to remove our shoes, jackets, and obviously anything metal. Then, we went into a chamber which looked worryingly like an MRI machine, where we were scanned for god-knows what and had air blown on to us for no apparent reason. Then all our belongings were swabbed down to test for explosive residue, before we were finally allowed to pass through and make the long journey to the gate, just in time for the flight. Finally, on the afternoon of the 2nd, we were in Las Vegas!

Squinting outside the Wynn

It's a little ironic that the English translation of 'Las Vegas' is 'The Meadows', as there isn't a meadow to be seen anywhere - it's slap bang in the middle of the Nevada desert and the heat is intense. On the first day, after we'd checked in at the Mirage and had some breakfast, we decided that we would do some exploring and not play any poker, simply because we were too jetlagged to play a good game. Just walking for a few minutes between the hotels I felt like I was being sunburned! I could suddenly see why taxis were so popular - the heat, plus the fact that everything is further away than it looks.

On the second day, we decided it was time to play some poker. We started off locally, playing at the Mirage cardroom. Although I'd taken a fair bit of cash with me, I wanted to start small (particularly since I was still jetlagged) and joined the same $1/$2 No Limit Hold'em game as my flatmate. What an awesome night it was. The game was a complete contrast to any game I've ever played in a British poker room - the dealers were friendly and competent, the equipment was of a good quality, and the players were actually having fun. The whole table was very chatty, and I got talking to a guy from Australia on my right, a very loose and jokey oriental guy across the table, and a guy from Los Angeles on my left. I even got a big laugh from two middle-aged women when I joked about not wanting to tip the cocktail waitress a $100 bill by accident (American money all looks the same. It's all green, all the same size, and all the same layout - although the relatively rare new bills are changing that).

There were no unfriendly, racist old men. There were no arguments over misdeals or string bets. Nobody insulted the dealer, and nobody criticised their opponent's play. It was just good clean fun. Oh, and I won - a lot, for the size of the game. I never dropped below my starting stack, after flopping the nut straight on the very first hand and busting a girl to my left. After that I tore through the table, picking up great hand after great hand and making some fairly good reads. Then later in the night, this hand came up:

In a straddled pot, it was folded to my flatmate Scott in the cutoff, who raised to $12. I called from the button with K♠J♠. LA dude on my left called also, and the straddle actually folded (which is extremely rare). With about $40 in the pot, the flop came Q♠10♠3♦. LA dude checked, Scott bet $20, and I raised to $60. LA dude hummed and hawed, then called the $60 cold, which I did not expect, and Scott folded. LA dude's flat-call was interesting. He had been playing well - aggressively in general, but fairly straightforwardly as was dictated by the game. Therefore, I figured that he had to be either slowplaying a big hand, or on a draw. A better flush draw than mine was unlikely, since to have a better flush draw he would have to have called the raise with A♠9♠ or worse (all the big spades are on board or in my hand). I also thought the chances of a draw were low as he was calling both a bet and a raise, with a player still to act behind him. The long dwell-up is also a classic tell of strength. Therefore, I figured he was slowplaying something like a set or top-two pair, and resolved to take a free card on the turn if it was a blank.

The turn was the 7♠. LA Dude pushed all-in for about $250. Even though there was a chance I was beat, I was confident in my read and called quickly, flipping my hand over. He didn't show his (it's not required in Las Vegas cardrooms, unlike many internet sites), and I knew I'd won. To rub it in, the A♠ arrived on the river, giving me a Royal Flush! It's always nice to finish the night on such a high, and I cashed out for close to $1000. Moneywise, that's not huge for me, but the confidence boost was just what I needed.

The Mirage

Actually, I made a second straight flush a few days later, at the Monte Carlo. Again, it was in a small game, but this time I won a small high-hand jackpot of about $150 to add to the pleasure. This time, I'd pushed all-in on the flop with an open-ended straight flush draw, been called, and hit the straight flush on the river. The dealer got a big tip for that.

Tipping is much more the norm in Vegas than it is in the UK. Some people resent throwing a dollar or two to the dealer after winning a pot, or adding 20% to a meal. In fact, some British tourists use their very Britishness to get out of tipping, despite knowing that the culture is different ('Good lord, I'm so sorry, I forgot. It's not allowed back home'). Not me. The service in Las Vegas was truly excellent everywhere we went (except Bellagio). The rake is lower, the drinks are free, and you're made to feel welcome wherever you are. In one restaurant, I had a fantastic glass of wine and enquired about who made it. The waiter took the time to write down the name of the wine, the year, and the region on a piece of paper, and handed it to me. That's the kind of service that all restaurants should have. That particular waiter got a great tip.

A couple of days after the nice session at Mirage, I went downtown to where it all started, Binion's, to play in the Las Vegas Grand Prix tournament. The buy-in was $500+50, with an 'expected' prize pool of $1,000,000 and 2000 entrants. What actually happened was three of the four starting flights were cancelled, as just fifty people turned up to register. I was considering whether or not to play, when the tournament director mentioned that some of the fifty people had won their way into the event through a radio competition, and may never have played poker before. So I plonked down my cash.

Unfortunately, I ended up at a table with eight local professionals and just one competition winner. Many had made final tables on the Ultimate Poker Challenge or other televised poker shows - for example, Shawn Rice, who had done it five times. It was the toughest table I had ever played at and I found myself showing down the loser far too often. To make things worse I went completely card dead once the blinds went up, and started to get anted away while the others got into huge pots with the competition winner, taking thousands of chips from him with full houses against his middle pair, and so on. I eventually busted out holding A-10 in the big blind against the button's K-Q, after pushing all-in preflop and being called. It was a good event, but I wasn't playing my best and I wasn't catching cards, so I didn't stand a chance.

I tried to play poker in as many rooms as I could while in Vegas, to get a sample of the various different styles. I played mostly $2/$5 No Limit, which may sound small, but in most cardrooms the buy-in for such a game is $1000, or even unlimited. That can result in some very big games compared to the blinds, particularly since the standard preflop raise in Vegas seems to be ten times the big blind! Many rooms didn't have a bigger game going anyway. All-in all, my favourite room was the MGM Grand, with the Venetian, Caesar's Palace, and the Wynn close behind. I'm going to write another post about the different rooms later.

My Progress in Vegas

The first loss is a small Mirage tournament. The second is the tournament at Binions, which was a sizeable chunk to take away. The only other big loss is at the Bellagio, which was a game I should have quit much sooner. When I sat down there was a completely clueless player at the table, who was doing some funny things, like thinking for ages, then showing middle pair before folding reluctantly to a large raise. Somebody criticised his play - something I didn't see anywhere else - and he left, leaving no easy marks at the table. I should've left at this point, but I'd waited so long for my seat, that dammit, I was going to play! I quickly ran a straight into a rivered full house for all my chips, then bled away some more before leaving in a very bad mood.

While in Vegas we took the opportunity to see some shows and do some shopping. Often, the cost of something in America is the same in dollars as it would be in pounds here - so we got some great stuff for essentially half price. I got some dirt cheap sports gear for the gym, some fancy noise-cancelling earphones that came in very handy for the plane ride home, and a nice Oakley watch with a very manly name - the Blade, among other things.

Show-wise, we saw the Blue Man Group at the Venetian first. If you haven't seen them, you should go at the earliest opportunity. It's unlike I've ever seen before - a spectacle that assaults every sense, mixing physical comedy with music and even audience participation (the good kind, not the bad kind you get at Jimmy Carr shows). I enjoyed every minute, and recommended them in pretty much every postcard I sent home.

Next, we saw Penn and Teller at the Rio. Actually, first, we spotted an Indian restaurant with the extremely funny name 'Gaylords', and couldn't resist stopping by for a bite. There were plenty of jokes about 'I just fancied a Gaylords' and so on as the meal went on. Funnily enough, the restaurant seemed to be staffed with Vietnamese, Mexicans, and anyone with a tan rather than authentic Indians. Even the Kingfisher was brewed in North America. Perhaps the typical American can't tell the difference.

Penn and Teller were good but had a tough act to follow. Ignoring their sickening Patriotism, their blend of comedy and magic was a good way to spend an evening, despite the uncomfortable post-Indian fart-holding I was having to do all the way through the show.

The last show we saw was something of a novelty - a show called Bite at the Stratosphere which was a topless revue with a vampire theme. The idea behind seeing the show (besides seeing semi-naked ladies of course) was simply to see something that would never, ever make it to the stage in Europe. Rita Rudner was a consideration.

The show was hilarious, in a 'so bad, it's good' way. The girls came out dancing to Guns N' Roses' Welcome to the Jungle, and followed it up by revealing the goods to classics like Judas Priest, Ozzy Osbourne and Motley Crue, with their dancing accompanied by some genuinely impressive acrobatics and a couple of magic tricks. Towards the end, there was the most bizarre medley I have ever heard, blending Led Zeppelin's classic Stairway to Heaven with Nessun Dorma. It's something I don't think I'll ever hear again!

An Erotic, Classic Rock Vampire Angel

Other than Bite, we didn't really see the sleazy side of Vegas, although I hear that the best strip clubs are Cheetahs and Little Darlings. The latter has a fantastic sign outside with a wonderful slogan - 'Thousands of beautiful girls and three ugly ones nationwide'.

I had heard that Las Vegas was a place that I would either love or hate. Well, I love it - I really do. There's something for everyone, and if you ignore the Mexican pimps flicking their flyers at you, it's a really nice place to be. I can't wait to go back for the WSOP in June!

You can see some of our photos from Vegas at my Bebo page, if you're interested. The address is http://DonkFishUK.bebo.com

Nie Wieder

2007-03-19T22:46:00.000Z

How can I put this. The EPT was, well, crap.

Germany is a lovely place. It's spectacularly clean, there are no chavs or scoundrels to be seen anywhere, and everybody is extremely polite and helpful - even to ignorant foreigners like me, who don't even know how to say 'sorry', or 'do you speak English?'.

Heck, even the graffiti in Germany is classy. On the train, I saw out of the window a quite arty tag that said 'Capitalizm is Organised Crime'. In Britain, we have no such political statements scrawled on our bus stops - the best we can do is 'Darren woz ere' and 'Donna takes it up the arse' (to be fair, with a name like Donna, she probably does - and good on her too). The translated German equivalent of that would probably be 'Donna is very popular with the gentlemen and likes to experiment with eroticism'.

Once in Germany I was supposed to be helping out with the PokerStars blog, but when I arrived at Heathrow airport to meet the other PokerStars staff, nobody knew who I was or why I was there. By the time we reached Dusseldorf airport (the quietest airport I have ever seen in my life), some of the people I was supposed to be working with still thought I was playing in the event.

As it turns out, I wasn't even going to be writing for the blog - that would be left to Simon Young, known as 'Suffolk Punch'. He was a nice guy, but he didn't need or want my help. I was basically relegated to being his lackey - looking out for interesting hands and collecting chip counts.

Tournament reporting is dull at the best of times, but when you can't even break up the monotony by writing, it's excruciating. You spend hours waiting around, watching the tables, not being able to see any of the hole cards (especially in the early stages when most pots end without a showdown). Then all of a sudden, somebody busts out of the tournament at the other end of the room and you have to go figure out what happened. It's painfully boring to do this for ten hours at a time.

Anyway, I ended up spending more time in the hotel than at the Casino Hosensyburg. I played online and had my worst Razz session ever, losing well over 30 big bets at $15/$30 Razz, but won it all back with interest playing No Limit Hold'em, using a new short stack strategy I've been working on for an Inside Poker article (read more about it in the May issue).

I managed to rack up a room service bill of about 120 Euro (the plural of Euro is Euro, by the way, not Euros), paying for the ludicrously-priced internet connection and a few German breakfasts, which consisted of coffee, bread and croissants with apricot jam, butter and margarine, fresh salmon, scrambled eggs, bacon, cheese, and approximately seven types of sausage. The sheer amount of sausage was, quite frankly, overwhelming. It seems that Germans have sausage with everything. I kid you not, when I phoned room service for breakfast one morning, the conversation went like this:

'Hi, is it too late to order breakfast?'
'No, what would you like?';
'Can I get some coffee...'
'Ja, would you like some sausage with that?'

If I'd been sharp and awake, I would have said 'No, just milk and sugar would be fine'. What I actually said was 'Yes, that would be nice'. Hmm.

I liked Germany a lot and would definitely like to go back. Maybe I'll play in next year's EPT German Open or something! For now, I'm looking forward to my first real holiday in six years - Las Vegas. Roll on April!

Urinal Gyms, Language Skills, and Hustling in The Meadows

2007-02-14T23:00:00.000Z

I just got back from the gym. It's February 14th, so it was something of a singles night. You can picture the kind of people that were there on Valentine's Day - murderers, lepers, gingers - that sort of thing. Oh, and me. I've been going to the gym a lot actually, three or four times a week, and I can see and feel the difference. I feel more alert and clear-headed, and I don't have the biceps of a four year old girl anymore. That said, I'm still not confident enough to wear the muscle shirt I got for Christmas.

You might think that the gym is a good place to pull, but it's not. For a start, when you go to the gym, you don't dress to impress. You wear the kind of old crap that sits at the bottom of your cupboard, and that you don't mind getting ripped or sweaty. You don't bother putting wax in your hair, because you'll sweat it out and it'll drip into your eyes and sting. Lets not also forget that after a few minutes, you'll be dripping in lovely smelly sweat.

Besides those considerations, the gym isn't even a sociable place. When you're on a cross trainer (my favourite), a bike, or a treadmill (my least favourite), you stare straight ahead and don't make eye contact with anyone - in that respect, it's like a urinal in a rough pub. Assuming that you had enough breath to talk, you wouldn't anyway, because everyone around you has earphones in.

For me, the gym is a necessary evil. I like the benefits I get out of it and I feel better as a result, but I don't actually enjoy the exercise. It's monotonous and boring, so I just take my iPod, put on some energetic metal music, and chug away for an hour or two.

I'm going to be a busy man in the next few months. On March 7th (my birthday) I'm heading out to Dortmund in Germany for the European Poker Tour. Unfortunately I won't be playing - I'll just be part of the PokerStars presence there, helping out and making sure everything goes smoothly. If I get a chance, I'll take a shot at the cash games and try to get somebody to teach me Chinese Poker.

I don't speak a word of German, except for the little I have picked up from pornography ('Ja, ja, ich kommen!') and Rammstein lyrics ('Du. Du hast. Du hast mich.'). Thankfully I will be accompanied by other staff so I won't have to even hail a taxi. Still, the thought of getting lost or being chatted up by a butch German woman terrifies me slightly.

In April I'm heading out to Las Vegas for my first holiday in almost six years. We're staying at the Mirage for two weeks, during which time we plan to play lots of poker (trying out plenty of different rooms in the process), see a show or two, and generally relax. I'm going to invest a reasonable portion of my bankroll in the trip, so I'm a little scared, but I think that if I choose my tables well and get a little lucky I should come back with more green in my pocket than I left with.

In Vegas, I don't expect anyone to even recognise me, so I'm thinking of trying a few silly things. Like sitting down and pretending to be a complete amateur. By that I mean I will:

Buy in for a completely inappropriate amount, like $10,000 or $20 at a $1/$2 table.
Keep asking how much I can bet or raise (especially if it's a limit game).
Wear sunglasses, a baseball cap, and a t-shirt with a poker slogan on it, like 'All-In'.
Say 'reraise' when I mean 'raise' or 'bet'. In fact, never say 'bet' or 'raise' at all. Just 'reraise'.
Look scared. A lot.
Think for ages before folding Q-8 offsuit to a raise before the flop, then show it to the person next to me, expecting a 'Nice laydown' comment.
Use a specially designed card protector instead of a chip (or just holding onto the bloody cards).
Make it extremely clear that I'm British.
Call it No Limit Texas Hold'em. When was the last time you heard a pro call it that?
Even better, call it Unlimited Texas Holdon.
Handle my chips like they are grenades.
String bet. A lot. 'I see your $10. And I reraise you $2'.
On a board with five hearts, say 'Have you got the straight?'.

In any case, it should be fun. I'm making a 'To Do' list for Vegas, which so far includes winning a poker tournament, seeing some strippers, having my photo taken in front of the Bellagio Fountains, and getting Chinese food at the Golden Nugget (which comes highly recommended).

I asked one of my students for his thoughts on Vegas. He wrote back an extremely amusing message. One of the highlights was this:

Remember that many of the women that choose Vegas do so intending to walk on the wild side. Also remember that for the most part subtlety will be lost on them. When in doubt betting the hand heavily is probably your best play. Suggesting to an American girl that seems interested and has had a few drinks that you two should go fuck is not a bad play. In fact I'd say when in doubt it is often the best play ... particularly if you simply assume she'll be saying yes and start leading her to the door/elevator/whatever. Its Vegas and a bit of crudeness can trump polite.

I told him that Vegas just sounds like any British city on a weekend, and (continuing the poker / sex analogy) that I am getting rather tired of the quick thrill of Sit & Gos, and am longing for the slow, comfortable grind of cash games.

I'll be making a second stop in Vegas in June / July, for the World Series of Poker. I've already won one seat in a preliminary event. Inside Poker hosted a freeroll with the $5000 prize package going to the winner - I outlasted 423 opponents in Limit Hold'em of all games to win. The editor of the magazine watched as I came from nowhere to win, and was impressed. I'll shortly be signing an exclusive contract with the magazine, to write for them every month. Of course this means that I won't be able to play any further freerolls - but that's a small sacrifice to make.

I was planning to go to the WSOP this year anyway, but this will save me a lot of money and effort. I'll try to play a couple of other events - a Razz and a No Limit Hold'em at least, or maybe a HORSE - and hopefully the main event also. It partly depends on how much time I can get off work, and whether my bankroll is big enough to support the entry fees.

The next few months are going to be exciting, and I can't wait. If you have suggestions for my 'To Do' list, let me know.

One Year On

2007-01-25T23:19:00.000Z

It’s now been about a year since I started working in the poker industry (and it’s been about eight since I first took up poker). I thought I’d take time to reflect on the past twelve months.

In January last year, I started work for the World Poker Tour – my first ‘proper’, paid job in the poker industry. The job was promoting the WPT’s new site, WPTOnline, to students in Edinburgh. I was Brand Manager, and was paid a basic salary plus bonuses for signing up large numbers of players. The position was only temporary, but I thought it was a good way to get my foot on the ladder.

Sadly, there were problems from the very beginning. It quickly became apparent that WPTOnline was not a top-quality poker site. The software was poorly designed and frequently crashed, the games weren’t run according to industry-standard poker rules, support was practically non-existent, and worst of all, there were hardly any real money players. Despite my best attempts to bring these flaws to the attention of the people in charge, nothing changed.

It was difficult to encourage people to sign up to a site that I didn’t really believe in. WPT didn’t make it easy either – at the time, every player had to enter credit or debit card details just to sign up for an account, even play money, and this bred suspicion and made on-the-spot signups difficult. On top of that, there were problems with the affiliate codes and therefore some players were not properly assigned to their respective brand managers. Most importantly though, there simply wasn’t anything about WPTOnline that distinguished it from the competition. Why should players want to move from their current site to WPT? There was simply no incentive.

The whole program was a disaster for WPT and for us. The most successful brand managers were able to sign up only 40-80 real money players – much lower than was expected. The least successful managed less than 5. At the end of our contracts, WPT simply cut us off without word. As far as I’m aware, none of us have been paid for the players that we signed up. That’s right – the World Poker Tour, probably the biggest company in the history of poker, screwed a bunch of poor students out of a few hundred quid.

After the WPT job, I continued to play to support my income, working part time to pay the bills in case of emergency. In February I interviewed for PokerStars, and in April I started my first week of training for my job as Poker Support Specialist. The job involves answering players’ emails, investigating collusion, all-in abuse and other forms of cheating, and dealing with other complicated poker-related problems and questions.

PokerStars is an excellent company to work for. The salary is excellent – I’m earning more than any 23-year old I know, and I was given a rise after 3 months and a Christmas bonus that was bigger than a month’s pay. In addition to that there is BUPA health and dental coverage, and other benefits like work-related trips to swanky London venues and possibly even major poker tournaments.

PokerStars is wonderful to work for in other ways. Management is friendly and approachable. For the most part, my colleagues are intelligent people, and there are no ‘weak links’ in the poker support team. They treat their employees well, and I feel valued. On top of all that, I get to work from my favourite city in the world, Edinburgh. For my first full time job, I couldn’t have landed any more firmly on my feet. When Full Tilt Poker approached me later in the year to work for them, I was reluctant to even interview (despite my long-standing fondness for them as a site).

In May, my writing career took off when I was approached by the editor of Inside Edge magazine, and my first article, ‘Necessary Evil’ was commissioned. I did wonder whether the readers would readily accept advice from an ‘unknown’ like myself, but the article was well-received and I have been writing more and more for the magazine since.

Inside Edge has changed a lot since the early days. When I first read the magazine, it was mainly a sports-betting publication with occasional poker coverage. The advice you could read back in those days was fairly basic, quick-fix advice, with choice quotes like ‘If you have A-K, raise regardless of your position’. Shortly before I joined, the poker coverage was expanded, retargeted at intermediate to advanced players, and hugely improved; and in the last couple of months the sports betting aspect has been eliminated. In my opinion, Inside Edge is now one of the highest-quality mainstream poker publications in the UK. In fact, only CardPlayer Europe is in the same league.

Recently, I’ve written several other articles for the mag. ‘Sizing Up’, an article about bet-sizing mistakes, was published in the November issue. The February issue which is being released as we speak contains ‘Plain Sailing’, an article about how to play the river. Future issues will have articles on slowplaying aces and fold equity. In addition to that, it’s possible that a new monthly column may be introduced, where I answer readers’ questions about the game.

Besides Inside Edge, I’ve written for Gutshot, Poker Listings, and Betfair. All of these are reputable companies and I’m proud to be associated with them all.

When I think about what I’ve achieved, I’m very proud and I feel extremely lucky. In the space of 12 months, I’ve gone from scratching out a living online to making a handsome £40,000 a year, even before poker winnings. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, and other areas of my life have undoubtedly suffered. But it’s been worth it. I just hope the next year is as good, and there are no career one-outers on the horizon!

Timewasting

2007-01-14T21:49:00.000Z

I'm just wasting some time with some more of those silly surveys - nothing much has happened since my last blog entry, except I'm single again and I bought a sofa... These are mostly stolen from my brother's Myspace page.

If you had a theme tune what would it be?

I wasn't sure, so I typed 'Alex' into search in iTunes. The first song that came up was 'Kicking Pigeons' by Spunge and the second was 'The Undead Will Feast' by Cannibal Corpse. I don't think either of those songs really sound like me, and I have no idea how they are related to 'Alex'.

If I was a fighter (or someday, poker players have theme tunes) I'd choose Enter Sandman by Metallica or Take It Easy Chicken by Mansun, which just have cool riffs.

If you could visit one moment in your past with your current mind what would it be?

Obviously I'd go back to the day I was on TV. I'd chat up Clonie Gowen some more, before raising her all-in on that bluff she pulled. Then I'd bust Mike Matusow and cruise to first place and the final. I would also make sure that I used a condom with my girlfriend in the first year of uni.

If you could go back and kill Hitler as a baby would you?

No, because although what Hitler and his followers and cohorts did was clearly terrible, some good did come of it, and it's unlikely to ever happen again. Killing Hitler wouldn't solve what was essentially a much deeper problem.

If given the choice would you live forever?

Only if I could stay young and healthy, and have the option to commit suicide if the world exploded or something.

What irritates you most?

Camp men are the people that irritate me most. There is just no need to act like a teenage girl if you're a grown man. Sexuality has nothing to do with it - it's just immaturity plain and simple.

What makes you happy?

I'm rarely very happy and rarely very sad - I tend to float in the middle most of the time. I would say I am most happy when in good company, laughing. I also love waking up in the morning, knowing I have nothing to do.

What superpower would you have if you could choose and why?

Oh I've thought about this a lot, and I settled on the ability to manipulate time - ie. pause time at will, move around, and then restart time. Zack used to do it in Saved by the Bell. Or the ability to make women orgasm at will - a talent which I have developed to some extent, but which generally requires close contact with the recipient of said orgasm. Of course, I'd have to be able to apply it selectively - I wouldn't want it to happen randomly as I walked down the street.

Do you think Saddam should have been hung?

Not hung necessarily. I am generally anti capital punishment, and it would've been more fitting for Saddam to die an undignified death as an old man in my opinion. That said, I am not the least bit bothered that they did execute him.

Where do you think Osama Bin Laden is?

Probably behind the fridge or under my bed - that's where everything seems to end up.

Is the glass half full or half empty?

Half full. The chance of me giving you a glass of anything which is only half empty is extremely remote.

If you had to lose one of your 5 senses which would it be?

Well we can rule out taste straight away, because I like food and drink a lot (I have always been destined to be fat and have fat children). Hearing is also important, as I really love music and good conversation. Sight - no way, because I love looking at women and watching movies. Touch - I doubt I could give up masturbation that easily. Smell it is then - I hardly ever use that anyway.

If you could ressurect anyone who would it be?

God. He's dead, according to Nietzsche (Thus Spake Zarathustra). Maybe he could tell people to stop arguing.

What are you going to do now?

Go to bed, probably after having a nice cup of Ribena and watching some naked ladies jiggle their bottoms around.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was your first thought?

Yup, that beard you had really didn't suit you.

When's the next time you will have sex?

When women learn how to do it properly, and not do that stupid thing they all seem to do when on top, where they just wriggle around and bend your knob from side to side.

What's a word that rhymes with "DUCK"?

Scallywag. Well... ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.

Favourite planet?

Uranus is easily the funniest one, so that.

Who is the 4th person on your missed call list?

My Dad. Phew, I thought for a second it might have been the customer service centre for Durex.

What is your favorite ring on your phone?

They're all shit, so I just have 'The Killchain' by Bolt Thrower instead.

What shirt are you wearing?

A black one I got from Full Tilt Poker... work will be so disappointed. But hey, they haven't given me any free clothes. I won a jacket in London once and didn't even get it.

What were you doing 20 minutes ago?

Watching the Naked Gun 33 1/3 - The Final Insult.

If you're in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep in?

The one furthest from the door. That's a weird thing of mine.

What were you doing at exactly midnight last night?

Sleeping. That is not cool, it was a Saturday and everything.

What was your last text message you received on your mobile?

It was from Mitch, who was saying that Tony G was his favourite poker player. He has a lot to learn.

How do you like your eggs?

Poached, scrambled or fried. Not runny. Oh, and eaten off a bikini-clad model's cleavage.

What's a word / phrase that you say a lot?

Raise.

Who told you he/she loved you last?

Sadly enough, it's almost certainly my Mum, who is nice enough to say stuff like that. A girl said it to me a couple of years ago but I don't know whether she meant it.

How many Drugs have you done in the last three days?

One (alcohol). I've sure cut down since I was younger.

Favorite age you have been so far?

18, and it's not even close. I had lots of sex (the good kind, not the awkward fumbly kind I seem to have had ever since), had lots of cool friends, went out a lot, and was the fittest I've ever been in my life, doing six hours of karate every week. It was great. I'd relive it in a second.

What wallpaper do you have on your desktop?

A picture of five women bent over a sofa, bums in the air. It's possibly one of the best pictures ever taken.

If you could punch one person in the face, who would it be?

It's impossible to select just one person from my long list of enemies, but the chances are it would be someone from an internet forum or somebody from my school days. Or the singer from Scissor Sisters. Ugh, I'm angry just thinking about it.

Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the face of the Earth?

Anybody who sings modern popular R&B music - stuff like Destiny's Child and Sugababes. Seriously, we wouldn't lose anyone significant. To like R&B music you have to have an IQ that can be expressed in one binary digit. No intelligent person could tolerate it.

Do you have a crush on someone?

I have crushes on inappropriate people usually. Like people who are much older than me, or who have a boyfriend, or who worship Satan. Otherwise, I take the time to get to know them, and then usually discover that they are brain-dead morons.

Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it.

Toilet paper. I could make a long list actually. Electricity, water, toothpaste, food, pornography...

What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?

A comedian once said I looked like somebody out of Hollyoaks. I took it as a compliment but it got a laugh that was bit too big.

What is your favorite pizza?

Meat feast, from Domino's. I had one the other night, for which I will be billing PokerStars.

What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head?

The Sheila's Wheels song. Don't pretend it's not catchy. They should do a metal version, then it would be good.

Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?

No, thankfully I am listening to music right now, and there is a cool guitar solo on which sounds nothing like Sheila's Wheels.

What are your super powers?

I can make a woman frown at twenty paces.

Where are your car keys?

Dangling from the horn of my pet Unicorn.

Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?

God's. If I met God, the first things I'd ask him are 'What are you super powers?' and 'Where are your car keys?'.

What's your most annoying habit?

I cannot accept that I am wrong in my opinion unless somebody proves beyond reasonable doubt that I am.

What is your best physical feature?

My legs, easily. I wish the rest of my body was as firm and beautiful as my legs are.

What CD is closest to you right now?

The driver CD for the digital camera I got for Christmas.

What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?

Milk, Passion Fruit Juice and Meat.

What color are your bed sheets?

Black.

Would you rather be a fish or a bird?

Some would say I'm already a fish, so a bird. A cool one though, like an Owl or a Kestrel. Not some bloody Robin Red Breast - they're the camp men of the bird world.

Do you talk on your mobile phone when you drive?

No, I let the unicorn answer it.

What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?

It's hard to sing death metal, so I usually end up whistling the riffs. I have been known to sing Dream Theater, Johnny Cash, quiet Opeth songs, and Kate Bush though.

If you could go back or forward in time, would you and where would you go?

Back to the 50s, when smoking was cool, and wasn't bad for you. The modern age has taken all the joy out of smoking.

What CD is in your stereo?

'Damnation' by Opeth.

How many kids do you plan on having?

I'd like one of each. Definitely not as many as my Dad, who has five.

If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

Louise Redknapp, and I wouldn't stop at kissing, that's for sure.

What do you do when no one is watching?

Air guitar.

If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be best for the job?

I'll be rather immodest and say Jude Law. They'll have to smarten him up a bit though.

Coffee or tea?

Depends who's offering. Good coffee is better than good tea, but bad tea is better that bad coffee. When I was in hospital I didn't drink coffee at all because it tasted like evil itself.

Have you ever been in love?

Sure, but not for a couple of years now.

There, hasn't that just filled you with the inspiration needed to fill this out yourself now?

Rising Star, or Those Who Can't...

2006-12-12T22:32:00.000Z

Life is good. I’m writing this on the way back from London, where I have just been for the PokerStars Christmas party. I spent the best part of yesterday on the train, and arrived at the office just in time for some champagne (I’m going to be optimistic and say champagne rather than sparkling wine, since I can’t actually remember) and to hear that I’d won first prize in an office raffle – a travel voucher to the value of £600.

I haven’t decided where to go yet, but the first place that popped into my head was Las Vegas, of course. I’m almost certainly going to the World Series this year, so why not have a practice run in March, round about my birthday time? I’ll take a few grand and see what I can turn it into – it’ll be the ultimate test of whether I’m ready for the challenge.

Anyway, the party was part good, part bad. It became quickly apparent that PokerStars is a much bigger company now than it was when I joined, and as a result most of the people there were complete strangers to me. In addition to that, some of the people that I know best from prior trips and MSN conversations weren’t there at all. I got chatting with a few new people, and had a fun time before and during the meal, but once the music started and the dance floor was filled with drunken simpletons, rendering intelligent conversation impossible, I had to leave.

On a different note, my second article in Inside Edge magazine was published, about common bet-sizing mistakes in big-bet games, and received positive feedback almost instantly. On the internet, there were forum posts complimenting me for challenging some of the ‘givens’ of modern poker strategy (which to me, sounds much more grand than what I actually did). In the following issue of the magazine, the letters page had a short message (given the wonderful title ‘Great Scott’), where a reader complimented my article, and the editor responded saying this:

Alex is indeed a rising star in the world of poker strategy writers and we’re glad you've noticed.

As I read it, I was gearing up for one of the local tournaments, and it gave me the confidence to achieve one of my highest finishes in that cardroom to date (I still haven’t won one though). It was nice to receive some positive feedback, especially considering my track record – I once wrote an article where it seemed every reader missed the point, and which, with the help of some nasty troublemakers, turned into quite a controversy on no less than two internet forums.

My goal is to write more often for the magazine if possible. My next one, due in the February issue, is about playing the river, and the one after that is about Fold Equity – an idea I think is often misused, but which I think can be useful when properly applied.

Moving on again, I have decided not to take the job with Full Tilt Poker. I discussed it a lot with family and friends, and one point that kept coming up was ‘a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush’. I am happy at PokerStars, and both myself and my manager see a career for me in the company. I’m extremely happy about living in Edinburgh, which I still think is the city closest to being perfect I’ve ever been to. I have friends here and I wasn’t too keen on living in Ireland, with it’s majority Catholic population, crazy abortion laws (hey, you never know), and expensive accommodation!

Of course, two other factors also kicked in. I couldn’t get to the interview (I can’t fly for two or three months after my operation, and I don’t drive), and wasn’t prepared to take the job without seeing the city I would be living in and the office I would be working in. Secondly, the CEO of PokerStars had some words with the CEO of Full Tilt, encouraging him not to poach his staff. Evidently, I wasn’t the only person that was offered a position.

There’s an old saying – those who can’t, teach. For me, that seems particularly appropriate at the moment. Although I spend all day writing about poker, either for PokerStars, Inside Edge, or on an internet poker forum somewhere, my actual results have been pretty poor recently. They’ve been better since I came out of hospital, but not as much as I had hoped. Of course, bad luck has played it’s part, with players catching two-outers and flush draws a plenty, but for the most part I simply haven’t been playing my best game.

This became quite apparent when I was playing HORSE on the internet the other night, in one specific Omaha Eight or Better pot in particular. I’d limped in middle position, then called a raise in a multiway pot with something pretty marginal – J-J-10-7 or something along those lines (not a strong play by any means), and flopped top set with two low cards on the board. I bet into the preflop raiser hoping he would raise me and knock out some of the draws, but he did not comply, and we saw the turn with five players. Although the turn brought a blank (I still had the nuts, and there was a lot of raising), the river came with an absolute disaster card, making several straights and a possible low. I then messed up big time, putting in four bets in a capped pot and being trapped between a player with the nut low, and another with the nut straight and the nut low.

Thankfully, I won most of the money back with a couple of nicely timed Razz hands and half of an enormous Stud Eight or Better pot – in which myself and an opponent managed to trap a third player between my lock low and his lock high – but I still finished the night a few hundred quid down.

Moving on again, since coming out of hospital I’ve been on a bit of a mission to get out more. I’ve joined the gym and made a real effort to go regularly so far – I even have an exercise routine worked out by one of the personal trainers. I’ve put on a little weight since the operation, but it seems to be mainly muscle (I no longer have the wrists of a five-year old girl, but I can still fit into my old suit trousers), and I’m going to try to keep it that way. On top of that, the pretty girl that I talked about in my last post doesn’t seem to have gone off me yet, despite my claims that she is both a terminator and a closet Satanist, my inexplicable taste in European gothic metal music, and my complete lack of knowledge of the difference between a pony and a horse.

I’m going to Sheffield this Friday for the Christmas period, to spend time with my family and hopefully some old friends. I’d have liked to have stuck around a bit longer – to spend more time with my new horse-riding cyborg friend, play a couple more home games with my mates (which I genuinely believe are amongst the most fun and most difficult in Edinburgh), and finally learn an entire Rush song on bass. But family from afar is visiting Sheffield this weekend, and I don’t want to miss them – seeing them will make it all worthwhile.

If I get bored, I can always just play Omaha Eight or Better online and blow a few hundred more.

No Lifeguards Were Harmed in the Making of This Movie

2006-11-13T22:21:00.000Z

I went to see the Borat movie on Sunday, and it was one of the funniest things I'd seen in a while. I went with a pretty girl, but I'm not going to talk about that - I'm not superstitious, but it can't hurt not to jinx it already.

Borat pushes the boundaries in several ways, with his ridiculous attitudes to women, sex, and Jews at the forefront of his charge. Of course, the whole point of these fictional attitudes is to bring out the worst in the people around him, who are blissfully unaware of the situation they're in, and who will happily join in with songs like 'Throw the Jew down the Well', and cheer on Borat as he shouts 'may George Bush drink the blood of every man, woman and child in Iraq!'.

But the end of the film pushed the boundaries too far, even for me. The plot of the film follows Borat around America, during which time he sees Baywatch on TV in his hotel room and becomes infatuated with Pamela Anderson. The film climaxes with him visiting one of her signings with a 'traditional Kazach wedding sack', embroidered with both of their names. He introduces himself and proposes to her - and then roughly puts the sack over her head and starts to carry her, screaming, out of the building. She escapes and runs to the car park, where Borat catches up to her and tackles her to the ground, before being subdued by Security Guards as the hysterical Anderson watches.

Because the majority of the film involves real people, you're lead to believe that this actually happened to an unaware celebrity. I had stopped laughing and was looking on in shock, feeling sorry for the poor woman, who probably feared for her life. I left the cinema feeling genuinely disturbed, and couldn't stop thinking about it.

Of course, the next morning I looked up the film on Google and found out that Pamela Anderson was in on the whole joke, and it had been an act. Her website even carries an advert for the film, calling it her 'greatest performance' (and it is, well, apart from that video).

Still, I don't remember feeling so disturbed since reading American Psycho. I'm all for exploring taboos, and I'm generally a very liberal person. But some things are taboo for good reason. Even now that I know that the whole thing was staged, I wonder whether it was appropriate to turn abduction and assault against a woman into part of a comedy sketch.

Stabbed By A Shark

2006-10-24T00:44:00.000+01:00

I'm out of hospital. The surgery took place last Tuesday and there weren't any real complications. One minute, I was talking to the anaesthetist, the next I was waking up in the High Dependency Unit (a step down from Intensive Care but a step up from an ordinary ward), plugged into a multitude of tubes and cables - oxygen tubes in my nose; a chest drain (a large-looking tube coming out of my chest); a stomach drain (a smaller tube going up my nose and down my throat into my stomach); an arterial drip for measuring blood pressure; an ordinary drip for hydration; another drip for morphine* (which was patient controlled, giving me another shot of morphine every time I pressed a button); EKG pads aplenty for measuring heartrate; and even a peg on my left ear measuring blood oxygen.

The surgery was 'laparoscopic' (keyhole surgery) and as a result I have four scars varying in size from medium to small down the left-hand side of my chest and back. It looks a little bit like I've been stabbed, or bitten by a shark or something. I decided to compromise, and tell anyone who asks that I'd been stabbed by a shark - that kills two birds with one stone. People keep saying 'girls like scars', although I don't know how true that is. I suppose if people could like tattoos and body piercings, they could like anything! In any case, I'm hoping that within a few months they'll be barely noticeable.

The first night was quite painful. I could hardly move with all the cables and tubes, and if I fell asleep I'd go a few hours without any painkillers, then wake up in mild agony. There wasn't much I could do except press the morphine button as often as I was allowed! The next morning I had some of the tubes removed and a physiotherapist took me for a stagger around the wards.

After that, I recovered pretty quickly. I was moved back to the ordinary ward later on Wednesday, and had my first drink later that day. After finding that easy, I had a cup of tea, and the next morning I had my first semi-solid food in six months - a bowl of Weetabix (the same stuff I tried on my first hospital visit but was unable to swallow). Since then, I've gradually moved onto more and more solid stuff. Tonight I had a sausage casserole, and the other night I even had a slice of pizza! That might not sound amazing to you, but after not eating pizza for six months, I'd almost forgotten what it tasted like.

I left hospital on Friday afternoon and since then I've been relaxing at home. I'm still on a lot of painkillers, including codeine, which is powerful enough to send me a bit loopy and make me need time off work for at least a few more days. I should be back at the start of November. In the meantime, family and friends have been visiting and helping out with food, cleaning, and company, which has been great. I'm going to use the rest of the time off to do some writing (I have two half-written articles lying around, and a bunch of ideas), catch up on a few things I've been meaning to do for ages, and play some poker.

For the past couple of months, it seems all I've written about is my health problems. Despite what you might think, there is far more to me than that. I'm a gambler - sometimes a good one (poker, gin, backgammon), and sometimes a bad one (betting on fighting). I'm an agnostic amateur theologist with Satanic leanings. In my time, I've done some fantastically raunchy things with women (although not recently). I've been on TV, and as a child I modelled for the box of Bassett's Sweet Train. I have an IQ of somewhere between 131 and 178 (depending on which of the many incompatible scales you use) and am a former Mensa member.

Maybe over the coming weeks and months, I'll write about that stuff instead. I look forward to doing that, now that this unpleasant chapter of my life is mostly over.

*Morphine was a big let-down. After reading Johnny Cash's description of Morphine in his autobiography, and hearing that people get addicted to it, I was expecting a heroin-like euphoria. What a crushing disappointment. It just sent me to sleep.

Tomophobia or Sizing Up the Future

2006-10-14T23:15:00.000+01:00

I'm going into hospital on Monday, for what I'm hoping will be the last time in a while. On Tuesday, I'll finally have the surgery to deal with the swallowing problems I've been having - since April I've been on a liquid diet, and after next week I should be able to eat a proper meal for the first time in quite a while. Achalasia, the technical term for what I have, doesn't go away, but it can be treated quite well.

The surgery is pretty serious. When I wake up, I expect to be attached to all manner of tubes including a chest drain and a couple of drips (I'm really hoping a catheter will not be necessary). It's going to be very unpleasant, and although I'm looking forward to this all being over, I'm completely dreading the surgery itself and it's immediate aftermath. Of course I'm concerned about the possible pain, but more than anything I'm worried about the boredom. I've been told I'll be in hospital until Saturday, and for the first couple of days I'll probably be attached to too many machines to move about very much. A couple of days is a long time when all you can do is stare at the ceiling - so please feel free to visit me. I'll be in Ward 102 at the new Royal Infirmary.

There's two other major pieces of other news too. First, my second article for Inside Edge magazine was published this month, called 'Sizing Up', which is about common bet-sizing mistakes in big bet games. I've been asked to write for the magazine more frequently, which was always my intention, but because I've been so distracted recently I've ended up with a lot of half-finished articles. Anyway, expect to see more of my work in the press in future, and if you missed my first article you can read it here : http://www.inside-edge-mag.co.uk/advancedplay/holdem/1407/talking_point.html

Secondly, Full Tilt Poker have been talking to me and want me to consider working for them. It's a tough decision for me. Full Tilt are based in Dublin, Ireland, and I'd have to move there which would be a very major thing for me. I love Edinburgh, most of my friends are here, and I hadn't really planned on leaving. Besides, I like my job at PokerStars a lot. They have treated me extremely well while I've been ill, the money and benefits are excellent, I still find the job interesting, and both my boss and myself believe that I have a good future with the company in the long-term. Plus, if I worked for Full Tilt I wouldn't be able to play there!

On the other hand, the job at Full Tilt is a real step up in the ranks, and it's also an opportunity to work closely with some of the major decision makers there. I'm told that if I come up with an idea that they like, there's a real chance it will be implemented a couple of weeks later. This is one thing that appeals to me, as at PokerStars I don't really have that opportunity except in rare cases (like recently, when I played a small but key role in changing the new five-card draw games from 5-handed to 6-handed).

It's a really tough decision and not one that I'm going to rush. I don't even know what the money would be like for the new job, and I've never been to Dublin - so it's early stages. It'll be interesting to see what happens.

God Bless America

2006-10-14T22:39:00.000+01:00

You might expect a country founded by puritans to be a strange place, and you'd be right. Despite being one of the most modern major countries on the planet, America's culture is deeply ingrained with medieval morality and religious values that would be considered extremist if they weren't Christian.

To learn this, all you have to do is watch American television. Turn on your TV at 9pm at night in America, and you can watch brutal bloody violence like the Ultimate Fighting Championship, or see people get shot to death on the news.

However, at no point during the night will you ever watch two people make love, swear or blaspheme, or discuss an abortion. If a woman in a programme like Friends or Frasier get pregnant, the option of choosing whether or not to keep the baby simply isn't discussed. Everybody in mainstream US TV either has the baby or miscarries. Why? Because if networks starting showing programming that broke these rules, some of their sponsors might pull out, and they'd lose money.

America's political system also boils down to money, and with the country's strange sense of morality, it's almost no surprise that a bill regarding Internet Gaming was recently passed. The bill was attached to the completely unrelated Port Security bill, which no senator in their right mind would have voted against. I doubt many of the Senators actually read the bill or were aware that Internet Gaming sections were added at the last minute.

Obviously the bill passed, and this has caused quite a stir in the poker industry. Although the bill is aimed at financial institutions, much of the media has been referring to the bill as an 'Internet Gambling Ban'. This is completely misleading - the bill does not make it illegal to gamble online. It will, however, make it slightly more difficult for US players to make a deposit into a poker site, or to cash out their money.

The bill also affects some large corporations who have staff or affiliated corporations based in the USA. Some companies, like PartyGaming and FirePay, have therefore decided to pull out of the US market.

That's basically it! At work every day since the bill passed we have had many questions about what would happen 'now that internet gambling has been banned', but the truth is in the long term very little will actually change. PokerStars and Full Tilt Poker both announced their intention to continue providing service to the US market, as did NETeller (the most popular deposit method for many US players). Within days, PokerStars was the biggest site for real money ring game play by a country mile (it has been the biggest for tournament play for quite a while). Full Tilt shot up to third, just below Party Poker.

It saddens me as a poker player, however, to learn that smaller companies like JetSetPoker have been affected so badly by the bill that they have had to close. Smaller sites like these often pushed the envelope, and if they came up with something innovative, could break through into the mainstream much like Full Tilt have done.

Quite frankly the panic that has been going on for the last couple of weeks is unjustified. Anyone who has analysed the new bill in depth has not found it to be as significant a threat as the masses seem to think. However, it is worrying that such a bill can simply be attached to something completely unrelated and passed. The next couple of years will be an interesting one for the poker industry, that's for certain.

Light at the End of a Long Tunnel

2006-09-27T15:08:00.000+01:00

Well, it's been a nasty couple of weeks.

Last Monday, I got to the point where I couldn't swallow anything, not even water. I called NHS Direct and they made me an urgent appointment at the hospital, who decided to keep me in overnight. An overnight stay turned into a week, most of which I spent on a drip (to keep me hydrated).

One of the most frustrating things about this whole experience is that since April I've been referred from department to department for tests and consultations, with weeks or even months between appointments. Once I was in hospital however, there was a new sense of urgency that I'd not seen before, which was quite refreshing. I was put on a drip and had blood tests within about an hour, was sent for a chest x-ray within two, and was in a bed within twelve. The next day, I was taken for an endoscopy.

An endoscopy is a procedure where a flexible tube with a camera attached is fed down your throat, so that doctors can examine it in detail. It's usually done under sedation, but not in my case. I was given a throat spray! Having an endoscopy without being sedated is akin to being raped in the throat. I was held down by one doctor, who put something in my mouth which was supposed to hold it open (like a ball gag of sorts). Another doctor then fed the surprisingly large endoscope through that and down my throat (I had to try to swallow to help it down). It was uncomfortable at first, but the further down it went, the more uncomfortable and even painful it became (the highlight of the pain was when they used the endoscope to push through into my stomach, then took biopsies). At one point, I began to retch so violently that I actually burst some of the tiny blood vessels around my eyes - the doctor's reaction to this was to simply go 'ssssh' and assure me that I was doing well.

I had another unpleasant procedure the following day, called Manometry, which involved a smaller tube being fed through my nose and down my throat. It was used to measure the pressures in my throat at various points, while I swallowed some sips of water.

Anyway, after all of these tests, it was confirmed that I have Achalasia, which is a neuromuscular disorder affecting the aesophagus. It's a permanent condition that will never go away, and I'll never be able to eat the same way again. However, they can treat the symptoms somewhat, and I'm seeing a surgeon next Monday. I'll need to go into hospital again for the procedure, which is pretty serious (it involves deflating a lung so that they can get to the bit they need to get to), so I expect to wake up with lots of nasty things attached to me and to be there for about a week. In the meantime I'm on medication which helps me to eat and drink a limited range of things, and I've been prescribed nutrient drinks.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Once I've had the surgery, I'm told I'll be able to eat most things again, and I can't wait to go out for a nice curry with my mates, and have some nice wine. There are other positive things about this experience too. I've lost almost four stone since I was on TV, and I'm now at the low border of my healthy weight range rather than the high one. People are actually remarking on how healthy I look!

Of course, Poker has had to take a back seat to this whole problem, and since April I've barely played . Not eating properly makes you tired and weak - and that combined with starting a new job and working early mornings did not equal poker success. I'm looking forward to getting back into the game properly and making the rest of the year as profitable as possible! Over the last few months I've had to turn down some fantastic poker opportunities, such as free entry into the Johnny Chan TCI Invitational, and work covering the European Poker Tour in London. In the coming months, I'm going to make it a mission of mine to win - and that starts with the Paddy Power UK Poker Tour in Edinburgh in the next few days.

Wish me luck.

A Survey for the Bored

2006-08-03T21:58:00.000+01:00

I recently got this from a friend. Since I am currently incredibly bored, but not in the mood to do anything productive like writing an article, I'm going to fill it out for your reading pleasure.

Time Started: 9pm

Full Name: Alexander David Scott

Nickname: Alex (almost everyone), Big Al (to a select few college friends), The Orgasmatron (future girlfriend)

Single or Taken?: Single

Gender: Male

Birthday: 7th March 1983

Star Sign: Pisces

Siblings: Three - Liam (21), Eve (16) and Millie (6), with one more on the way.

Eye colour: Hazel

Shoe size: 12

Height: 6'3"

What are you wearing right now?: Black trousers and a black hoodie

Where do you live?: Edinburgh

Righty or lefty?: Righty

Who are your closest friends?: Scott, Stuart, Chris, David, and Jess

Do you have a Girlfriend?: Nope. Isn't that question a bit redundant? I wonder if anyone has written that they had a girlfriend, but also that they are single. I think you're just rubbing it in, you bastards!

Did you send this to your crush?: Well, its on the internet, but I doubt she will read it.

Your fave place to shop: Play.com or Amazon

Do you have any tattoos or piercings?: God no. Its like body graffiti.

Favourite...

Colour: Green

Number: 72

Boys Names: Mark, Paul

Girls Names: Jade, Bethany

Subject in school: Chemistry

Animal: I quite like dogs. But if I wanted something needy and expensive, I'd be better off just getting a girlfriend.

Drink: Ribena

Alcoholic drink: Red Wine (A good Rioja, Pinot Noir or Zinfandel)

Sport: Poker, if that counts. Basketball if it doesn't.

Food: Sandwiches

Months: March and April

Song at the Moment: 'Weapon of Vanity' by Soilwork

Movie: You Only Live Twice (old Bond movie)

Juice: Passion fruit

Finger: Middle, but they all come in handy if you'll excuse the pun

Breakfast: A proper greasy fry up is always nice.

Perfume: Bloody hell, what a question. I like Gucci Envy on women, but I am not a perfume fan in general and would prefer none at all. Men shouldn't wear smelly stuff.

Cartoon Character: Donkey, from Shrek.

Have you ever...

Given Anyone a Bath: No, what a crap present that would be.

Smoked: Yeah sure, smoking is loads of fun. I wish it was cheap, healthy, and attractive though.

Bungee Jumped: No

Made Yourself throw up: Yes, but never on purpose.

Been skinny dipping: No, but I would if the situation came up

Been in the opposite sex's bathroom: Yes. Once, coming out of a restaurant in Sheffield, my whole family took a wrong turn and ended up in the ladies'.

Eaten a dog biscuit: Urgh, no.

Put your tongue on a frozen pole: Not unless you count a Calippo.

Loved someone so much it made you cry?: No. I hardly ever cry.

Broken a bone: No.

Been in a physical fight: Sure. I did Karate for years. I also got in a couple of fights at school, including one with a person who subsequently became my best friend for years.

Been in a police car: No

Came close to dying: Hmm... Not really.

Been in a sauna: Yes, and it was horrible.

Been in a hot tub: Yeah.

Been in the ocean: Yes, and it was horrible.

Fallen asleep in school: No, but a lecturer at university used to make me Narcoleptic at times.

Ran away?: From what? Maybe a big bee or something.

Broken someone's heart: I think so. I definitely broke my own heart by splitting up with my first long-term girlfriend Neda. It was for the best in the long run though.

Cried when someone died: Yeah. My childhood best friend, Zaid Alfaham, died of a rare blood disorder when I was in secondary school.

Fell off your chair: Almost definitely. Actually, that reminds me, must send this to Stephen.

Sat by the phone all night?: What for?

Saved MSN conversations: Yes, but only because it's done automatically.

Saved e-mails?: Yes

Fallen for your best friend?: Not a best friend, but definitely good friends.

Been cheated on?: Not that I know of. Why would anyone settle for 7-4 offsuit when they could have pocket aces?

What is....

Your good luck charm: Considering I'm a gambler by trade, I suppose its suprising that I don't have one. I make my own luck.

What’s your room like: Well, I work in it and sleep in it, so it's messy.

What's the last thing you said: Goodbye.

What is beside you: A pile of dirty washing (see above)!

The Last thing you ate: Chicken soup (GRR!)

What kind of shampoo do you use?: Head and Shoulders (I wear a lot of black)

Something that has happened to you this year: Appeared on TV, got a full time job as well as two writing contacts, got ill

Have you ever...

Had Chicken pox: Yes

Had a Sore Throat: Yes. Actually, I once had a sore throat that became the subject of a fantastic joke. I was whining about how much it hurt, and how it was the most painful sore throat I'd ever had. My friends then invented the 'Alex Scale' of Pain - with 1 Alex being a sore throat. Childbirth would be about 0.9 Alexes, and Amputation without anesthesia probably about 1.2 Alexes.

Believed in love at first sight?: Its never really happened to me, but I suppose anything's possible.

Loved anyone: I have loved, but not just anyone. I'm quite selective.

Do you like picnics: Depends who with and where. Picnics have the potential to be really boring, as do many outdoor activities.

Did you like school: No, but I really enjoyed college.

What schools have you gone to: Dore Primary, Westbourne, Silverdale, Castle College

Would you...

Eat a live hamster for $1,000,000??: Not a live one, that's too cruel. But if it was already dead, why not?

Go to a Hanson concert if you had a free ticket: No, I'd give it to someone else, then disown them.

Who was the last person you touched?: My flatmate - it was a 'good luck' pat on the back, nothing more!

Who was the last person you massaged: You ask, almost as if everybody should have massaged someone else. I haven't massaged anyone!

Who was the last person you Kissed?: Yikes. I actually don't know.

Who was the last person you yelled at?: A guy called Paddy, at a poker table over a year ago.

Who was the last person who broke your heart: My ex girlfriend Suzanne

Who was the last person who told you they loved you: Probably my Mum (bloody hell, this quiz doesn't make me sound cool at all).

Who is your loudest friend?: Accie.

Do you / have you / are you...

Do you like filling these out: Occasionally, but I don't know whether I could do it for a living.

Do you wear contacts or glasses: No, neither.

Do you like yourself: Yes, but not in a vain way.

Do you get along with your family: Very well.

Do you do drugs: Nothing more harmful than alcohol.

Have piercings below the waist: Urgh, god no.

Stolen anything over $50: No. I don't think I've ever stolen anything significant.

Obsessive?: I guess so. I got pretty obsessed with poker.

Depressed?: No, I'm not that kind of person.

Suicidal?: No way.

How many people are you sending this to: Potentially anybody who wants to read this... so about three.

What are you listening to right now: I put my jukebox on random. The first song that came up was 'The Seeker' by Rush.

How many buddies are on your list: My Live Messenger list has 200 people on it. Bebo has about 16.

What did you do yesterday?: Worked through the day, then went to the casino to play in a poker tournament

Hated someone in your family?: No, I like my family a lot. I am closer with my Mum's side though.

Got any awards?: I have a couple of trophies for poker and one for karate. I also have a pink rosette from a childhood friend's birthday party which I am not at all proud of!

Do you wanna get married?: Eventually, but not in a church.

If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be: My health.

How many remote controls are in your house?: At least eight.

Are you double jointed: No, and people that are are just freaks, like left-handed people.

What do you dream about?: Nice things, but I never seem to remember them after I've woken up. They must be good though, because I'm always sad when I can't drift back into one.

Last time you showered: This afternoon.

Last time you took a bath: Yikes, that was a while back.

The last movie you saw at the theatres: The Da Vinci Code.

Root beer or Dr.Pepper: Yuck! Dr Pepper, but only if it was Dr Pepper or death (or worse, Dr Pepper or Coke).

Vanilla or chocolate Ice cream: Chocolate.

Summer or winter: Winter.

Silver or Gold: Silver (or white gold)

Diamond or Pearl: Diamond

Sunset or Sunrise: Sunset

Sprite or 7up: Sprite.

Trousers or shorts: Trousers.

Orange juice or apple juice: Orange. Apple juice is disgusting, although its alcoholic derivative, Magners, is very nice indeed.

Cats or dogs: Dogs, but only because cats are girly.

Coffee or tea: Coffee, but I like both a lot.

Phone or in person:In person, by miles. I hate speaking to people on the phone, even friends and family.

Eldest, middle, youngest or only child?: Eldest.

There you go. Now you know loads of important stuff about me. Maybe it'll come in handy in a pub quiz someday.

A Semi-Pro's Tale

2006-08-03T21:47:00.000+01:00

Another one of my findings is this - an interview with me originally intended for the Gutshot website. They'll be pissed off in a few years when I'm world famous and they realise they turned this down.

Thanks to Jason Roberts for working on this.

British Poker Open : A Semi Pro’s Tale
By Jason ‘Red’ Roberts

“Can you move out the way mate, I can’t see the poker"

I am in the café / bar area at the Hammersmith Riverside TV studios chatting to Marcel Luske when an eager punter, who finds view of the action on the screens blocked by the tall Dutchman, promptly asks him to get out of the way.

Marcel apologises and moves away after offering to get me a drink from the bar (proving conclusively that he really will have a chat and a drink with absolutely anyone). Gus Hansen wanders by as does Mike Matusow. They are all here to take part in their heats in the British Poker Open. The format is six-handed no limit holdem with only the winner of each of the six heats progressing to the final table and, along with the pros, there’s a mix of internet qualifiers and semi-pros taking their first steps in front of the glare of the TV rigs.

While I am sure we would love to reach the heights of the big-name big-money pros, I am here to chat to someone that an average gutshot customer might find a little easier to relate to.

Alex Scott is an Edinburgh based semi-pro poker player who took the 5 hour train journey down to London to compete in a tough heat that pitted him against Mike Matusow, Kristy Gazes and Clonie Gowen amongst others.

Jason Roberts : So tell me a bit about your poker background. How and why did you get into it at first?

Alex Scott : I first played when I was about sixteen with pennies on a friend's living room carpet … just because we thought it was cool I think. I didn't get into it properly until second year of Uni about four years ago. I looked up the rules on the internet and we started playing five card draw for bottle tops... typical students!

Jason Roberts : So how did your place at the BPO come about?

Alex Scott : Well, I play almost all my online poker at Full Tilt. Its my favourite site, and I can't be bothered to move my bankroll around too much because it costs me money in currency exchanges every time. I've played there since just a couple of months after they opened for real money when there were about 1000 players on at peak times. Recently out of the blue they emailed me saying they'd like to reward my 'continued loyalty and support', and that I was one of their 'better customers from the UK', so they'd like to buy me into the BPO.

Jason Roberts : Nice!

Alex Scott : I don't think they have a lot of British players... at least many who are as obsessed as I am!

Jason Roberts : Is that the first time you've faced the pros?

Alex Scott : In live games, I've played with a couple of pros - Malcolm Harwood from Late Night Poker, Dave Colclough and Tony Kendall recently too. Online, I've played against the pros a lot, and I've got screenshots on my website of me busting a few of them.

Jason Roberts : So how did you find the BPO experience? Nerves a problem?

Alex Scott : I really enjoyed the whole day, despite coming second. I was really nervous when I first walked into the green room - it was full of people I recognised. I was also nervous in my first interview before the tournament. Once I got sat down at the table though, I just started concentrating and didn't really feel the nerves. I think the pressure got to me once or twice though. I'm not used to playing on TV.

Jason Roberts : Not a problem having Mike the mouth to your left?

Alex Scott : Strategy wise, that was the last place I wanted him but he is a really nice guy. I think they show the worst side of him on TV - the reckless, emotional side. In reality he is a very kind and honest person. I knew he was the best player at the table after a couple of hands though. I really wanted him to my right so I could act after him on most hands. Instead I think he got the best seat, with the two internet guys to his left.

Jason Roberts : How did you adjust then strategy wise?

Alex Scott : Its funny, I thought I'd go into the table and start off playing tight. But on the first hand Clonie Gowen raised from the button and Kristy Gazes reraised from the small blind. The next couple of hands were raised too - it was pretty crazy. I particularly thought Clonie Gowen was playing too loose, for that stage of the tournament at least. So I tried to get aggressive and play a little fast. It didn't work out too well though.

Jason Roberts : What happened?

Alex Scott : I lost nearly half my stack on the fourth hand.

Jason Roberts : Whoops.

Alex Scott : That's what I said!

Jason Roberts : Way to go on your TV debut.

Alex Scott : I know. At least it will make good TV.

Jason Roberts : You recovered well then to get heads up with Mike.

Alex Scott : Yeah, after that I managed to pick up a few hands and recover a bit. I pushed all-in with A-K a couple of times and didn't get called. Then I did it with Q-Q and got called by Leigh's A-Js... thankfully he missed and I was above my starting stack for the first time! After that I stole a couple of pots, but generally kept out of trouble. I didn't do much to be honest, the other players knocked themselves out with silly plays, there was no skill from me involved. Brant, for example, was all-in for about 250,000 against Mike Matusow when we were three-handed - and Mike had him barely covered. Mike set him in after he'd reraised preflop, and Brant called instantly with K-Q! Mike had A-Q and busted him, so we got heads up with him having over $500,000 and me less than $100,000.

Jason Roberts : How did you find the heads up duel?

Alex Scott : It was short. The blinds were 7,000/15,000 and I had less than 100k, so I had to double up quickly. I folded once or twice, then decided I was moving all-in with almost anything. I picked up K-4 and shoved it in. Mike of course was going to call with almost any two cards, I just had to hope to get lucky. Unfortunately, he had J-10 and made a straight on the river. It was so close too ... my king high was good until the last card!

Jason Roberts : Rivered by Matusow! You must have been gutted?

Alex Scott : Actually I didn't feel too bad. The dealers and production staff were giving me sympathy - 'unlucky river, mate', and all that but I never really expected to win - I mean come on, I was heads up against one of the world's best players, and he had over a 5-1 chip lead? There is no shame in losing in that situation.

Jason Roberts : Did you get much verbal from the mouth or did he have one his quieter days?

Alex Scott : Actually he was pretty quiet except in the green room where he lost about $10,000 online. I said to him that he was being quiet - his response was 'I'm trying to concentrate' but he was very nice. He kept telling us how great we were playing, and gave us advice in the dressing room during the break.

Jason Roberts : You wouldn't get that from Hellmuth.

Alex Scott : Not if he's actually like the person they show on TV. According to Mike he's just a nice guy with an ego problem.

Jason Roberts : So happy overall with your BPO adventure?

Alex Scott : Not really happy with how I played. There's a couple of hands where I made big mistakes. Really, I was lucky to finish as high as I did but I had a really great time in the tournament, and I hope I can get on TV again to improve on second place.

Jason Roberts : So what's next for you? You describe yourself as semi-pro now. Any plans to go pro?

Alex Scott : Well, I just started working for PokerStars.com - its a job I applied for a while ago. Since I left university I've been looking for a job in the industry. During that time I've basically been playing for a living, but I knew I didn't want to sustain myself in the long-term that way. Of course I'm still going to play a lot. It may not be enough to live on, but it sure pays for a lot of nice things. Long term, I'd like to be a part-time pro. In other words, I don't want to have to grind it out, but I want to be able to pick and choose when and where I play.

Jason Roberts : Do you have any favourite poker pros? Who would you love to be on the same table as just for the experience?

Alex Scott : I have a lot of respect for players like Phil Ivey, Daniel Negreanu, Ted Forrest, Howard Lederer and Jennifer Harman. I'd like to play with them all - although obviously they would destroy me! I'd also love to play with Mike Matusow again and I'd like to lay a beat on Phil Hellmuth.

Jason Roberts : Wouldn't we all? Why do you think they would destroy you? Do you think there is such a big gap between semi-pro and pro?

Alex Scott : The difference isn't as big as it is between a semi pro and a beginner but its fairly significant. Some of those guys just don't seem to make a mistake - people like Phil Ivey are so focused, and their play is almost flawless. I still make a lot of mistakes. Its just that the people I usually choose to play against make more - therefore I have an edge.

Jason Roberts : Oh well, only one way to learn how to make less mistakes.

Alex Scott : Yep, sometimes the best way to learn is to do it the hard way and learn from your mistakes.

Jason Roberts : Good luck at the tables.

Alex Scott : Cheers Jason. It was an honour.